Hell yes! I'm a Chicken Qabalist!

I had an absolutely great book club meeting on Thursday night this week. The Fellowship (again, coolest Pagan group around) has set up a series of "Roundtables" where we will be studying the book "Chicken Qabalah" by Lon Milo Duguette. Lon is an awesome author with a GREAT sense of humor - and a lot of excellent practical experience and knowledge to back it up. On Thursday, we met at one of the coolest houses I've been in (thank you to the folks who put us up!), with a fireplace and wood floors and nice plush (old style!) chairs.

We had a great discussion, that ran the gamut from the Goddess figure in Feri tradition to personal struggles to (of course) Chicken Qabalah. Basically, this book is just a primer on occult Qabalah, presented in a nice, easy to follow format. I'll follow up with more Chicken Qabaltastic wonderment later - but for now, definitely check it out on Amazon. Totally worth it.

BREAK

Had to take a break...

Between writing a paper on (hang on, let me check what the title of this goddam thing is before I get it wrong) 'Management Control in the Context of Organizational Theories" and studying the history of American Law (for my paralegal course), my brain is melting.

MELTING

At least Freyja is playing with one of her springs. That will bring me joy as I feel my grey matter seeping out of my ears (there's nothing quite like watching a kitten walk around with a spring hanging out of her mouth). She's taken to jumping into the IKEA cat tent with it, and bouncing it off the walls in there. It's hilarious.

::sigh::

Back to the melting.

Rest in Peace, Socks...

Yesterday, Socks the cat (of the Clinton family) passed away. He had battled cancer for months, and was put to sleep mid-morning.



Thank you to Betty Currie for taking care of this stray who found a home at the most powerful house in America.

Sleep well, Socks.

NEW BLOG!!!

Not to take attention away from this, my inane (oops, did I say that?) normal blog, but I have started up a NEW BLOG to chronicle my adventures in Geocaching!

You can visit the blog by going to http://faigh-amach.blogspot.com, where I have posted Finding OUT. Faigh Amach means 'finding out' in Gaelic, and since I figured the English version was taken, here we have my creative way 'round.

Nothing super-interesting is up there yet, but this weekend I'm hoping to find some caches by my parent's house!!!

Finding OUT

WW and Cat Ears

So, this week's WW update is...

Down another 2.8 pounds! So in total, I've lost 12.8 pounds, which brings me down to 208.4. YAY! I've got to say, working with the WW routine is really great - I don't feel deprived at all, (though a bit hungry sometimes), and I (obviously) am really seeing results. Hopefully I'll be able to fit into all my clothes from last year soon!

I found out on Monday that poor little Frigga apparently has an ear infection. :-( Last night was the first night I had to put drops in their ears myself, and let's just say - it wasn't pleasant. I tried really hard to make it low-impact for them, but everybody got stressed out, and they didn't want to be near me afterwards. It was really depressing, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's for their own good.

Here are the little angels themselves...

I'm hoping for a speedy recovery!!! I don't like my little ones being afraid of me and the ear-dropper of doom...

Daytona 500 - Solid Finishes and Rain-Outs

First of all, congrats to Matt Kenseth for a 1st place finish in the 51st running of the Daytona 500! Though the race was washed out at lap 152 (the total race is 200 laps long), it was full of excitement and a win for a good team. Kevin Harvick could possibly have pulled off a second Daytona win for his career, but finished well in 2nd and has a promising season ahead of him. (No, I wouldn't be singing the same tune if it was Tony in Harvick's place, but blogger's prerogative - I can be biased!!!) However, as Harvick pointed out...

"But, you know, it's also kind of bittersweet, I guess you could say, for the fact that Matt is the one that pushed me to my Daytona 500 win [in 2007]. In the end, it's kind of weird how that stuff works out."

My boy, Tony Stewart, represented himself well, finishing 8th after starting 5th. Ryan Newman, Stewart's teammate in the Stewart Haas garage, finished and started 36th. I will end that discussion by stating that Newman has lots of room to move up during this season, and I am sure he will.

It was exciting to see Tony run his first race as an owner/driver. He did a great job - led a lap, finished in the top 10, and proved that he has lost nothing when gaining his new responsibilities. I'm really excited to see how this season shapes up!!!

As an aside - Junior had a tough race, and did not put forth a very good front about the whole thing. There was an interesting article at Nascar.com that really captured a lot of what I think this guy must be going through. He's a good man, and a good driver - but as I've always said, he isn't his father. And maybe that mantle is finally starting to weigh him down.

WW Update

So, I avoided talking about WW last week because, due to my trip into NYC with our sales directors, I had gained 1.2 pounds. ::sob::

HOWEVER. There is a happy ending to this story. When I weighed in yesterday, it was with a 1.8 pound loss - bringing me to 10 pounds lost total! That is officially 5% of my body weight - I am halfway to my first goal of 10%!!! For me, this is really enormous. I don't think I've lost that much weight, intentionally (mono diet excluded, of course), ever. I've been steadily gaining weight since I was 16, with a major flareup over the past year. And for the longest time, I was really in denial that I was overweight.

But then, I saw a picture of myself that Sonny took...

And I realized that I can't be in denial anymore. Between that and my doctor (gently) suggesting that my cholesterol was a bit high earlier this year (I'M 24, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!), I know that I was, and continue to be overweight.

However. I really feel like Weight Watchers has given me a diet I can really follow and not feel totally deprived. I track EVERYTHING I eat, and even that act alone, (without including the actual dieting part), has made a huge impact on how I look at food. I used to drink fruit juice instead of water - ALL THE TIME. And soda? It was my lifeblood.

Since I started this diet, I get one, maybe two glasses of juice a day. I drink water the rest of the time. And instead of soda? Herbal teas. I used to drink just blank orange pekoe with LOADS of cream and sugar. Now, I'm being introduced to all sorts of gourmet teas (some courtesy of Harry Schwartz, whose blog is awesome...), and they're great. I don't really feel like I'm missing out.

And even more - when I DO treat myself to soda (which I have!), I really enjoy it. I don't just wolf it down, order another, and another and another... I really APPRECIATE the food I eat now. I don't just scarf until I feel so ridiculously full I can't take it. I can even turn food down - and I'm doing it more and more often, as I feel less hungry all the time.

I know a lot of my eating has to do with my emotions. And taking this step to say, "No, that sort of eating is unhealthy", has been amazing.

It's not always going to be fun and new and interesting to me. But I want to make a concerted effort to make this not just a diet - but a change in the way I eat. And I hope I'm off to a good start.

Imbolc Ritual - Amazing!!!

Well, it's another hit from the Fellowship! Last night we had an Imbolc ritual, and it was fabulous. It was a wonderful, open environment, and I truly felt welcomed. I even got to participate in the ritual, and called the West quarter. It's a whole different experience when you're spiritually exercising like that as a group. I really had a blast.

One of the parts of the ritual was when Maggi, one of our fearless leaders, 'aspected' the countenance of Brighid. It was a really amazing experience, and it gave me clarity on how to move forward with my spirituality. I was told to keep Brighid's flame, and pray to her on the 20th day - and so here we are at day one. Maggi sweetly gave me a candle and a great chant to invoke the spirit of Brighid while lighting the candle:

Holy Well, Sacred Flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One, Be Here
Bright One, Be Here.

It's simple and sweet, and I really like it. I found two other prayers on the internet (ah, the glorious tubes) to turn this into a daily ritual that can be replenished as I need it. Here's my basic structure:

------------------------------

MORNING:
This morning, as I kindle the flame upon my hearth, I pray that the flame of Brighid may burn in my soul, and the souls of all I meet today.

I pray that no envy and malice, no hatred or fear, may smother the flame.

I pray that indifference and apathy, contempt and pride, may not pour like cold water on the flame.

Instead, may the spark of Brighid light the love in my soul, that it may burn brightly throughout the day.

And may I warm those who are lonely, whose hearts are cold and lifeless, that all may know the comfort of Brighid's love.

::light candle::

Holy well, sacred flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One Be Near
Bright One Be Near

EVENING:
Holy well, sacred flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One Be Near
Bright One Be Near

::extinguish candle::

Brighid, preserve the fire, as we are preserved.

Brighid, may its warmth remain in our midst, as you are always among us.

Brighid, may it rise to life in the morning, as we rise to life.

Then throughout the day I'd use the "Holy Well/Sacred Flame" chant when I feel the need, whether it be for praise or for support.

------------------------------

More to come on the development of this mini-tual.

"Unfriended" - from Cakelet

I read an awesome blog called Cakelet, and the author recently posted about a friend that she had lost, the only friend she had ever been wronged by.

Her gracious, kind response to her friend's betrayal was so complete and so genuine that I was deeply moved. I can be petty, cruel, and so thoughtless when I feel that I have been wronged. I am judgmental, quick to anger, and slow to recant. Thankfully, I am surrounded by wonderful people who rarely set off my temper - in truth, it is more often myself than any others combined that make me angry.

But going back to Cakelet's post - I am reminded of the one friend by whom I have felt truly and deeply wronged. While we still remained 'friends' after this incident, I have forever been harboring feelings of betrayal and hurt since this happened. I am writing this post today in honor of the season of light which began with Imbolc on the 2nd, in celebration of the return of the sun. I hold up this hardened and cold part of my heart to be exposed to the light, and therefore warmed.

When I was 16, I became pregnant. Being young, stupid, and selfish, I was terrified and simply took the instructions of those who were not acting in my or my child's best interest. There was one person I reached out to while I was still pregnant, to let her know about what had happened and ask for her help. I remember very clearly, walking down the ramp from the cafeteria to class in my high school, with her at my side, telling her I had a secret and needed help.

She looked me straight in the face and said (ironically), "Well, as long as you're not pregnant, anything!". I was so stunned I said nothing, just stared at her (with a face probably white as a sheet). She stood looking at me for a moment, and then realizing what my silence meant, she immediately shook her head and looked away. "Don't say anything else," she said, "or I won't be able to talk to you or be your friend anymore".

So, silenced, I continued walking down the corridor with her and sealed my lips firmly, vowing not to talk to anyone else.

I have never shared about this before. Now that my blog is known to so many of my friends and family, I almost hesitate to write it down. But honestly, this was one of the pivotal moments in my life, and it defined me and my feelings for a long time.

I wrote this to cleanse myself of my anger, and honestly, I do feel better. I forgive her. She was young and scared, as I was, and in her fear reacted as I had: shutting down. So I forgive her. I truly forgive her, for she was never at fault for reacting as she did. I will let this go now, like a candle floating away on the waves, and fill in another dark hole in my heart with renewing earth. Let's hope something else grows there now.