Tonight was the first Fellowship Esbat. The Esbats are a series of classes where we work on more advanced rituals together. We were mostly laying the groundwork at this session - going over the goals and objectives of the class.
Point 1: Gwaeron has an absolutely AMAZING collection of books. I am trying really hard to remember all the titles now - needless to say I will be dedicating a portion of Xmas money towards amassing them (in used condition, of course).
Point 2: It's going to be great working with the group that's forming now - we have a great range of talents and interests, which should definitely keep things lively and fresh but nice and functional.
Point 3: I think this is really just what I am looking for in terms of honing my skills and continuing to develop. A lot of good stuff is going on right now, and I feel like this is one of the big waves that will bring me closer to the shore.
More to come...
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
A Study of Fairy Tales: Part 1 Follow-Up
I did not properly cite Ms. Kready's book in my last post, so here is the citation now for your future reference. This text is available as an e-book at a variety of locations all over the web - you can just search for the title and author name.
I would like to point out, however, that since 1916 not much progress has been made in terms of using fairy tales to build up a strong foundation for future interest in literature - a lot of the articles I was finding focused on sexism and bias prevalent in fairy tales. While of course these are important issues that should be addressed, I think it is throwing the baby out with the bathwater to dismiss the value of these literary pieces to focus only on these negative aspects.
In that vein, I actually uncovered an article entitled "First Graders and Fairy Tales: One Teacher's Action Research of Critical Literacy" by Ryan Bourke. Not only did this offer a case study of the use of fairy tales to develop literary criticism, it also dealt with some of the negative issues above, as Mr. Bourke discovered when presenting the stories to his class, all of whom were not of European descent.
Bourke offers a good definition of critical literacy, actually quoted from another article entitled "Girls, Social Class, and Literacy".
Another article, written by Maryellen Grebin, outlines suggestions for helping kids actively play out fairy tales. Bourke's work focuses mainly on discussion an analysis, but I feel strongly that Ms. Grebin's work also has an important role to play in helping children synthesize the information contained within the stories.
Her suggestions include a "Fairy Tale Museum", where the children are curators of props they bring in themselves to represent the different stories. She also read different versions of fairy tales, from countries all over the world. Many of her students had never before heard the different versions. She also had them grow actual bean seeds as a tool for discussion about Jack and the Beanstalk. They covered topics such as why a lot of fairy tales seem to revolve around girls, and introduced other stories with more of a balanced focus.
However, while this innovative approach is certainly fun and engaging, the addition of Bourke's critical analysis techniques are essential to fostering a truly deeper understanding of the material.
I highly recommend reading Bourke's article, as it includes several conversations amongst his students that really reflect the intensity of the impact that critical analysis of these stories can have on children and their ability to synthesize literature.
Resources:
Bourke, R. "First Graders and Fairy Tales: One Teacher's action Research of Critical Literacy". The Reading TEacher, 62(4) pp. 304-312
Grebin, M. "Fairy Tales Get Real". Teaching Pre K-8. Nov/Dec 2002, Vol. 33 Issue 3, p58
Kready, L. A Study of Fairy Tales. Houghton Mifflin Company. 1916.I was very engaged by the concepts laid out in Ms. Kready's first chapter and introduction. The overall goal of this study is to learn more about the nature, structure, and telling of fairy tales, but her focus on using the same in early childhood education was really fascinating. I took some time to look through the Walden University database of articles, and found a few relating to the same topic.
I would like to point out, however, that since 1916 not much progress has been made in terms of using fairy tales to build up a strong foundation for future interest in literature - a lot of the articles I was finding focused on sexism and bias prevalent in fairy tales. While of course these are important issues that should be addressed, I think it is throwing the baby out with the bathwater to dismiss the value of these literary pieces to focus only on these negative aspects.
In that vein, I actually uncovered an article entitled "First Graders and Fairy Tales: One Teacher's Action Research of Critical Literacy" by Ryan Bourke. Not only did this offer a case study of the use of fairy tales to develop literary criticism, it also dealt with some of the negative issues above, as Mr. Bourke discovered when presenting the stories to his class, all of whom were not of European descent.
Bourke offers a good definition of critical literacy, actually quoted from another article entitled "Girls, Social Class, and Literacy".
Critical literacy...is the act of approaching texts wearing a set of eyeglasses through which the reader examines and questions the familiar and comfortable.Especially in its application to fairy tales, I find this definition to be most appropriate. There is very little more comforting than familiar stories from our childhood - but their inherent value comes not only from the 'mug of hot cocoa' response that is very superficial, but from an actual in-depth analysis not only of the story's message, but it's place in the readers time, in the authors time, the influence of the characters and their potentialities, and a number of other factors.
Another article, written by Maryellen Grebin, outlines suggestions for helping kids actively play out fairy tales. Bourke's work focuses mainly on discussion an analysis, but I feel strongly that Ms. Grebin's work also has an important role to play in helping children synthesize the information contained within the stories.
Her suggestions include a "Fairy Tale Museum", where the children are curators of props they bring in themselves to represent the different stories. She also read different versions of fairy tales, from countries all over the world. Many of her students had never before heard the different versions. She also had them grow actual bean seeds as a tool for discussion about Jack and the Beanstalk. They covered topics such as why a lot of fairy tales seem to revolve around girls, and introduced other stories with more of a balanced focus.
However, while this innovative approach is certainly fun and engaging, the addition of Bourke's critical analysis techniques are essential to fostering a truly deeper understanding of the material.
I highly recommend reading Bourke's article, as it includes several conversations amongst his students that really reflect the intensity of the impact that critical analysis of these stories can have on children and their ability to synthesize literature.
Resources:
Bourke, R. "First Graders and Fairy Tales: One Teacher's action Research of Critical Literacy". The Reading TEacher, 62(4) pp. 304-312
Grebin, M. "Fairy Tales Get Real". Teaching Pre K-8. Nov/Dec 2002, Vol. 33 Issue 3, p58
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
A Study of Fairy Tales (Laura F. Kready): Part 1
I would first like to introduce this section by lamenting the lack of information available about Ms. Laura Kready, author of the book I recently downloaded to read: A Study of Fairy Tales. I had hope to introduce her to you, but I have no information regarding her, aside from the fact that she had this book published by Houghton Mifflen in 1916.
A Study of Fairy Tales is a fascinating book that both analyzes fairy tales, and provides very motivating evidence to prove the worth of the fairy tale's presence in early education (kindergarten - 1st grade). The introduction and first chapter of the book are devoted entirely towards establishing the worth of the fairy tale in traditional early educational curriculums, by both providing evidence of their worth in developing character traits and also providing information regarding their value as an art form separate from traditional literature.
One of my favorite quotes from this portion of the book actually is from the Introduction, written by Henry Suzzallo, Ph.D. (then President of the University of Washington):
By contrast, literature such as traditional fairy tales, and enriching stories not built on easily-merchandisable characters offer kids both the escape they need to keep them stimulated (after all, even us adults can barely stay tuned into the real world anymore), but also gives them a real and unmovable foothold in what is right and wrong, what is worth pursuing and what is worthless, and so on.
::set soap box aside::
Now that I've vented properly, on to Ms. Kready's work.
In the first chapter, she outlines the qualities of fairy tales that make them essential for any child's education. They are:
A Study of Fairy Tales is a fascinating book that both analyzes fairy tales, and provides very motivating evidence to prove the worth of the fairy tale's presence in early education (kindergarten - 1st grade). The introduction and first chapter of the book are devoted entirely towards establishing the worth of the fairy tale in traditional early educational curriculums, by both providing evidence of their worth in developing character traits and also providing information regarding their value as an art form separate from traditional literature.
One of my favorite quotes from this portion of the book actually is from the Introduction, written by Henry Suzzallo, Ph.D. (then President of the University of Washington):
"The diet of babes cannot be determined by the needs of grown-ups. A spiritual malnutrition which starves would soon set in if adult wisdom were imposed on children for their sustenance. The truth is amply illustrated by those pathetic objects of our acquaintance, the men and women who have never been boys and girls."We all know someone who has suffered from a severe lack of proper stimulation as children - and I fear that many of the kids I know now will also suffer from this. Not from an overabundance of grown-up wisdom forced upon them, but because of the absolute dearth of worthless shows, books, and other falsely stimulating products of our media-driven culture. While there is, of course, inherent value in the (occasional) mindless episode of a NickToon or Cartoon Network feature, they shouldn't be the primary diet of childhood - I think the next 10 years (if not the past 5) will quickly convince us of the lack of moral structure or guidance offered by these empty shells.
By contrast, literature such as traditional fairy tales, and enriching stories not built on easily-merchandisable characters offer kids both the escape they need to keep them stimulated (after all, even us adults can barely stay tuned into the real world anymore), but also gives them a real and unmovable foothold in what is right and wrong, what is worth pursuing and what is worthless, and so on.
::set soap box aside::
Now that I've vented properly, on to Ms. Kready's work.
In the first chapter, she outlines the qualities of fairy tales that make them essential for any child's education. They are:
- Fairy tales bring joy into child life.
- Fairy tales satisfy the play spirit of childhood.
- Fairy tales are play forms.
- Fairy tales give the child a power of accurate observation.
- Fairy tales strengthen the power of emotion, develop the power of imagination, train the memory, and exercise the reason.
- Fairy tales extend and intensify the child's social relations.
- The fairy tale as one form of the story is one part of the largest means to unify the entire work or play of the child.
- Fairy tales employ leisure hours in a way that builds character.
- Fairy tales afford a vital basis for language training and thereby take on a new importance in the child's English.
"Then [after being acquainted with reading through fairy tales] reading will take purpose for him, and be accomplished almost without drill and practically without effort.How better to keep our children interested in real, hearty literature that actually feeds the soul and fuels the heart, than to bring them up on the sweeter and kinder versions of the same?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Appeal to Freyja
Last night I had a very interesting experience. I wrapped up my evening (of AWESOME fun with the Fellowship stuffing envelopes for the Tenafly Nature Center) by lighting a candle to Brighid and then another to Freyja, a little reflection and then a lot of hitting the hay.
At 12:30AM, my work cellphone rang (which never happens). I picked up the line, and there was a very distressed sounding woman on the other end. Now, my employer provides security and investigative services to corporations, but we do not do work for individuals. It can be a bit awkward, especially when I want to help people, but know that our policy restricts us and I have to protect the company by not offering my own brand of sage advice.
Without going into detail, her boyfriend was going ballistic over some calls in her call history. We couldn't provide services to her because she is an individual. However, after all my years of experience on various hotlines for women, I know when a situation is bad. Or at least I have a pretty good inkling.
So after having to tell this woman that we couldn't help her, I advised her to call law enforcement immediately. I told her that if she was scared and felt endangered, she needed to call someone right away, which she agreed to do. Then I had to do that hardest thing - hang up and hope for the best.
Instead of going back to bed and stewing incessantly about this woman's fate (my traditional coping method), I went right to my altar for Freyja. I told her what had happened and lit some incense as an offering to her, asking her to help guide this woman out of harms way and protect her from any danger. I let the smoke waft around my room for a while, then went to sleep feeling very calm, and very like I didn't need to be in control of the situation (a BIG thing for me).
It was wonderful to give up those worries and concerns and know that I had done all I could, and had asked for help outside of myself. I could rest in the knowledge that it was being given. It was a good night. And I'm grateful for her help. :-) Hail Freyja!
At 12:30AM, my work cellphone rang (which never happens). I picked up the line, and there was a very distressed sounding woman on the other end. Now, my employer provides security and investigative services to corporations, but we do not do work for individuals. It can be a bit awkward, especially when I want to help people, but know that our policy restricts us and I have to protect the company by not offering my own brand of sage advice.
Without going into detail, her boyfriend was going ballistic over some calls in her call history. We couldn't provide services to her because she is an individual. However, after all my years of experience on various hotlines for women, I know when a situation is bad. Or at least I have a pretty good inkling.
So after having to tell this woman that we couldn't help her, I advised her to call law enforcement immediately. I told her that if she was scared and felt endangered, she needed to call someone right away, which she agreed to do. Then I had to do that hardest thing - hang up and hope for the best.
Instead of going back to bed and stewing incessantly about this woman's fate (my traditional coping method), I went right to my altar for Freyja. I told her what had happened and lit some incense as an offering to her, asking her to help guide this woman out of harms way and protect her from any danger. I let the smoke waft around my room for a while, then went to sleep feeling very calm, and very like I didn't need to be in control of the situation (a BIG thing for me).
It was wonderful to give up those worries and concerns and know that I had done all I could, and had asked for help outside of myself. I could rest in the knowledge that it was being given. It was a good night. And I'm grateful for her help. :-) Hail Freyja!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Something Worth Writing About
It has been an awfully, awfully long time since I've productively blogged these past few seasons. I was a little lost in what I would be writing about - there aren't many people who would be actively interested in the comings and goings of my life, and I wouldn't want to subject anybody to that anyway.
After I stopped looking into the Irish Travelers (upon a sensible request from my father - when research starts requiring contacting law enforcement, it's probably good to back off), I suffered from a major lack of inspiration. I have a lot of education going on in my life right now - between the MBA program (looking to top off in November 2010!), various stops-and-starts in linguistic pursuits, and all the research I'm doing for spiritual stuff, I was surprised not to feel more inspired blog-wise. But I think I finally came up with something that will keep both me happy and engaged, and everybody else actually interested.
Fairytales! Not the Disney nonsense - while I like the animated mice in Cinderella as much as the next over-stimulated American, don't mistake those for anything other than watered-down versions of the real stories. I am talking about the real folklore, legends, and bed-time stories where not every ending was a happy one, and the good guys and bad guys were often not terribly easy to tell apart. I've always loved the Grimm fairy tales - and I became especially enamoured of even modern spinners of fairy-tales like George MacDonald. But the stories collected by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, and Iona and Peter Opie, those are what are truly worth study.
The Grimms and the Opies had a dedication to keeping to the truth of oral storytelling that few others during their time had an interest in. I find the Grimms particularly interesting, since the fairy tales they collected were a by-product of their real research. The brothers were linguists, and their dedication to tracking down the true patterns and origins of their language (German) were what enabled them to keep a clear focus on writing down the stories exactly as they were told.
Oral traditions are an extremely important part of every society's culture - the European folk stories that give us Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood (told to the Grimms by Wilhelm's own wife and chilhood friend), and countless others tell us an enormous amount about the cultures, mythology, traditions and beliefs of our forefathers.
I'll start my research focusing on the stories gathered by the Brothers Grimm. I'll try to keep up with one meaty post per week - it ought to be fun!
After I stopped looking into the Irish Travelers (upon a sensible request from my father - when research starts requiring contacting law enforcement, it's probably good to back off), I suffered from a major lack of inspiration. I have a lot of education going on in my life right now - between the MBA program (looking to top off in November 2010!), various stops-and-starts in linguistic pursuits, and all the research I'm doing for spiritual stuff, I was surprised not to feel more inspired blog-wise. But I think I finally came up with something that will keep both me happy and engaged, and everybody else actually interested.
Fairytales! Not the Disney nonsense - while I like the animated mice in Cinderella as much as the next over-stimulated American, don't mistake those for anything other than watered-down versions of the real stories. I am talking about the real folklore, legends, and bed-time stories where not every ending was a happy one, and the good guys and bad guys were often not terribly easy to tell apart. I've always loved the Grimm fairy tales - and I became especially enamoured of even modern spinners of fairy-tales like George MacDonald. But the stories collected by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, and Iona and Peter Opie, those are what are truly worth study.
The Grimms and the Opies had a dedication to keeping to the truth of oral storytelling that few others during their time had an interest in. I find the Grimms particularly interesting, since the fairy tales they collected were a by-product of their real research. The brothers were linguists, and their dedication to tracking down the true patterns and origins of their language (German) were what enabled them to keep a clear focus on writing down the stories exactly as they were told.
Oral traditions are an extremely important part of every society's culture - the European folk stories that give us Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood (told to the Grimms by Wilhelm's own wife and chilhood friend), and countless others tell us an enormous amount about the cultures, mythology, traditions and beliefs of our forefathers.
I'll start my research focusing on the stories gathered by the Brothers Grimm. I'll try to keep up with one meaty post per week - it ought to be fun!
Monday, August 10, 2009
BUSY BUSY BUSY
It has been a VERY exciting few days! Last week I was cleared of any more bladder tumors (three months before I have to get tested again, woo-hoo!), and I started setting out on some pretty fun ventures. Not to mention all the stuff (good stuff!) that's going on at work.
Right now I'm managing several large projects around the office, ranging from an upgrade of our accounting system to launching a graphics and standards manual for use of our logo. There's definitely enough going on to keep me busy, and it has been a fun time. I've been really lucky in how understanding everyone has been regarding my multiple medical absences - hopefully they have come to an end!
On top of that, there are lots of things going on at the shelter and I'm gearing up for school again in the fall - and that's on top of studyiing for my certification for a paralegal and as a certified associate in project management. I''m going to be drowning in certificates by the time I'm through!
I'm also launching some other exciting projects right now - more to come on those later. But for now, after almost killing myself with smoke inhalation from putting too much incense on my new charcoal burner (lesson learned), it's off to bed to get ready for another full day!!!
Right now I'm managing several large projects around the office, ranging from an upgrade of our accounting system to launching a graphics and standards manual for use of our logo. There's definitely enough going on to keep me busy, and it has been a fun time. I've been really lucky in how understanding everyone has been regarding my multiple medical absences - hopefully they have come to an end!
On top of that, there are lots of things going on at the shelter and I'm gearing up for school again in the fall - and that's on top of studyiing for my certification for a paralegal and as a certified associate in project management. I''m going to be drowning in certificates by the time I'm through!
I'm also launching some other exciting projects right now - more to come on those later. But for now, after almost killing myself with smoke inhalation from putting too much incense on my new charcoal burner (lesson learned), it's off to bed to get ready for another full day!!!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Lammas
Today was the Fellowship's Lammas celebration. It was really wonderful - the Craft Night we held on Friday yielded some great bread, and I made a bit extra to 'fill in the gaps'. Jen, (one of the awesomest people ever) made a fantastic Lugh out of bread, and let's just say he was 'anatomically correct' :-D.
The ritual went fabulously - it was our first Open, and considering the TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR we experienced this morning, we had a great turnout. I got to see a few group members I haven't seen in a while, and there also a bunch of new faces. I'm hoping to see some of them at the Craft Night we have coming up in September, when we're making masks and costumes for Samhain.
The Fellowship has been really wonderful - I'm glad to be part of such an excellent group. They've really opened up my horizons spiritually, and I'm constantly challenged to stretch myself and exercise all my faith-muscles. It really is a great experience.
Last Saturday, I got to be a part of a really special ritual with the Assembly of the Sacred Wheel, down near Dover DE. It was a beautiful and intense ritual (and private, so no details), and I was honored to be a part of it. I'm hoping to have many more opportunities to work with them in the future.
Anywhoodles, that's all for now. Here's hoping I get to posting more regularly.
The ritual went fabulously - it was our first Open, and considering the TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR we experienced this morning, we had a great turnout. I got to see a few group members I haven't seen in a while, and there also a bunch of new faces. I'm hoping to see some of them at the Craft Night we have coming up in September, when we're making masks and costumes for Samhain.
The Fellowship has been really wonderful - I'm glad to be part of such an excellent group. They've really opened up my horizons spiritually, and I'm constantly challenged to stretch myself and exercise all my faith-muscles. It really is a great experience.
Last Saturday, I got to be a part of a really special ritual with the Assembly of the Sacred Wheel, down near Dover DE. It was a beautiful and intense ritual (and private, so no details), and I was honored to be a part of it. I'm hoping to have many more opportunities to work with them in the future.
Anywhoodles, that's all for now. Here's hoping I get to posting more regularly.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Offensive, or Good Fun?
Ever since that ridiculous news story "News of the Weird" that covered pagans who blessed President Obama's inauguration this year, I've been a bit on edge in terms of how the media treats witches. On CNN today there is an article called: Calling All Witches: Cave In Need Of New Hag. I honestly can't tell if I'm just being overly sensitive, but GOODNESS.
Apparently some small town in England has a folk story about a witch who terrorized the village, blighting crops and causing all sorts of mischief. She was defeated when a cleric threw holy water on her, and was turned into stone. Since then, the town has built an amusement park and tourist trap around this myth. And apparently, part of the parcel is a full-time, live-in "witch" who lives in the cave that was supposedly the original witch's haunt.
So, okay. It's an old folk story and has value as a myth - albeit one that (as usual) portrays a woman being struck down by a representative of the patriarchal religion-in-charge. There are always going to be warty Halloween masks and Evil Witches of the West, but do we really need to have auditions for a live-in 'witch'?
I guess I'm probably drawing this out a bit further than it needs to be - 'all in good fun' and the whole bit. But it's an interesting question: how do we delineate between modern Witches, practitioners of paganism and the caricatured 'witches' of the past? Just some musings.
Apparently some small town in England has a folk story about a witch who terrorized the village, blighting crops and causing all sorts of mischief. She was defeated when a cleric threw holy water on her, and was turned into stone. Since then, the town has built an amusement park and tourist trap around this myth. And apparently, part of the parcel is a full-time, live-in "witch" who lives in the cave that was supposedly the original witch's haunt.
So, okay. It's an old folk story and has value as a myth - albeit one that (as usual) portrays a woman being struck down by a representative of the patriarchal religion-in-charge. There are always going to be warty Halloween masks and Evil Witches of the West, but do we really need to have auditions for a live-in 'witch'?
I guess I'm probably drawing this out a bit further than it needs to be - 'all in good fun' and the whole bit. But it's an interesting question: how do we delineate between modern Witches, practitioners of paganism and the caricatured 'witches' of the past? Just some musings.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
DnD
I have to say, DnD is not nearly what I thought I would be. It is quite entertaining. More to come!
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Worthing Saga
It has been a long time since I've been drawn into a fiction book, unable to put it down. However, I started reading "The Worthing Saga" on Friday, and it has absolutely sucked me in. I'm not even knitting in deference of reading, which is a big deal. I highly recommend it. I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much had I been able to find the synopsis I looked for online before I really got into it - I'm glad I couldn't find one. I won't publish one either, suffice to say you should read this book.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Radio Silence
For the past month, things have been a little haywire. I haven't been able to write because of that, but I'm hoping that things are now calm enough to get back at least to 'relative' normal.
On May 7th, I had a tumor removed from my bladder, and it turned out to be a transitional cell carcinoma. At 24, with no history of smoking, drinking, or any other form of body abuse (aside from an excess of chocolate), I had cancer.
The good news is that of all the cancers out there, this is probably the easiest one to deal with. As long as you catch it early (which we did), you can just cut it out. The most difficult part of it is that I have to have cystoscopies regularly now, every three months for the first one or two years and then every six months after that, because this cancer has a recurrence rate of around 70%.
It's been eye opening. At first I was so upset, (I found out accidentally when my gynecologist shared a letter my urologist had sent to her regarding the tumor), but after I had time to calm down and actually talk to my doctor, I understood the diagnosis a lot better. It's apparently extremely rare in young, non-smoking women, but it happens. And the good news is, that as long as we're diligent and keep checking for recurrence, it shouldn't have any effect on my lifespan.
Thinking about anything having an effect on my lifespan at my age is a little sad. I'm turning 25 in less than 2 weeks, and I've already had two surgeries and forced menopause to treat my endometriosis, and now I've also had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from my bladder. I think I deserve nothing but colds for a little while.
I debated a long time about posting anything regarding this, because I didn't want to elicit the sympathy, angsty thing. However, I think it's important that anyone who reads this (I know there are a few of you) knows that it's always important to listen to your body and follow your doctor's advice.
If I had ignored the UTIs that kept cropping up and passing them off as nothing more than new evidence of a weak immune system, the cancer could have gotten much worse. I'm so glad I took action to find out what was wrong with me - and I always encourage anybody else to do the same. There's never a time that's too inconvenient or too difficult to protect your health and your body.
PS - We named the tumor Buford. May he rest in peace and stay beneath his fucking gravestone. No zombie tumors rising from the dead to plague me again, please.
On May 7th, I had a tumor removed from my bladder, and it turned out to be a transitional cell carcinoma. At 24, with no history of smoking, drinking, or any other form of body abuse (aside from an excess of chocolate), I had cancer.
The good news is that of all the cancers out there, this is probably the easiest one to deal with. As long as you catch it early (which we did), you can just cut it out. The most difficult part of it is that I have to have cystoscopies regularly now, every three months for the first one or two years and then every six months after that, because this cancer has a recurrence rate of around 70%.
It's been eye opening. At first I was so upset, (I found out accidentally when my gynecologist shared a letter my urologist had sent to her regarding the tumor), but after I had time to calm down and actually talk to my doctor, I understood the diagnosis a lot better. It's apparently extremely rare in young, non-smoking women, but it happens. And the good news is, that as long as we're diligent and keep checking for recurrence, it shouldn't have any effect on my lifespan.
Thinking about anything having an effect on my lifespan at my age is a little sad. I'm turning 25 in less than 2 weeks, and I've already had two surgeries and forced menopause to treat my endometriosis, and now I've also had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from my bladder. I think I deserve nothing but colds for a little while.
I debated a long time about posting anything regarding this, because I didn't want to elicit the sympathy, angsty thing. However, I think it's important that anyone who reads this (I know there are a few of you) knows that it's always important to listen to your body and follow your doctor's advice.
If I had ignored the UTIs that kept cropping up and passing them off as nothing more than new evidence of a weak immune system, the cancer could have gotten much worse. I'm so glad I took action to find out what was wrong with me - and I always encourage anybody else to do the same. There's never a time that's too inconvenient or too difficult to protect your health and your body.
PS - We named the tumor Buford. May he rest in peace and stay beneath his fucking gravestone. No zombie tumors rising from the dead to plague me again, please.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Thank You
I just wanted to take a moment to say "THANKS!!!" to everyone who was so sweet and supportive during Norn's illness. She's doing so much better - better enough to fight me (rather successfully) when I try to give her her antibiotics. :-)
She is definitely on the mend, and with a spleen that will (hopefully) continue to shrink, she'll be back to normal in no time.
And while I of course would never wish illness on her, I must say that this sickness has caused an enormous change in her personality. Even with Sonny staying with me, she spent Sunday night on the bed, and actually stands still and lets me pet her when she's walking around the apartment. She and Freyja have been playing a lot, and she is more assertive when Frigga invades her space.
At least we have our silver lining - and I know what to do in case of nasty kitty pneumonia!!!
Thank you again, everyone.
She is definitely on the mend, and with a spleen that will (hopefully) continue to shrink, she'll be back to normal in no time.
And while I of course would never wish illness on her, I must say that this sickness has caused an enormous change in her personality. Even with Sonny staying with me, she spent Sunday night on the bed, and actually stands still and lets me pet her when she's walking around the apartment. She and Freyja have been playing a lot, and she is more assertive when Frigga invades her space.
At least we have our silver lining - and I know what to do in case of nasty kitty pneumonia!!!
Thank you again, everyone.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Norn Watch: Day 3
After two days of recuperation from the apparent onset of her symptoms, Norn seems to be doing a lot better. She's breathing much more easily, and seems to be much more relaxed. She doesn't growl when I pick her up anymore, which tells me that her gas pain (from swallowing air while she was trying to breathe) has gone away, and hopefully her spleen may be going down.
She even seems to understand that the enormous dose of liquid antibiotics I give her every morning is a necessary (if unpleasant) thing - she isn't spitting them out anymore.
The other two kitties, Frigga and Freyja, have been very respectful of Norn's space during this time - they're starting to close in again, which tells me that they know she's feeling better too.
::BIG SIGH OF RELIEF::
We have a follow-up appointment next Monday, so by then we should know more about what's going on. Thanks!
She even seems to understand that the enormous dose of liquid antibiotics I give her every morning is a necessary (if unpleasant) thing - she isn't spitting them out anymore.
The other two kitties, Frigga and Freyja, have been very respectful of Norn's space during this time - they're starting to close in again, which tells me that they know she's feeling better too.
::BIG SIGH OF RELIEF::
We have a follow-up appointment next Monday, so by then we should know more about what's going on. Thanks!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
When it rains...
I came home from work yesterday, pretty drained about everything that had happened with Taz. My comfort is that he was 16, and had a pretty darn-tootin' amazing life - every summer getting to while away the hours running free on the family island, being spoiled absolutely rotten by our family, having a big wooded backyard to run around in at his leisure. He had a pretty awesome life, and we were very lucky to have him be a part of our family.
So after reeling from his loss (despite being expected, it still hurt), I came home to spend some time with my little animals. I fed the cats, and took Pan out for a quick 'walk' in the backyard. When I came back inside, I could hear Norn yowling - not unusual, she goes through yowling phases on and off.
But when I realized that she was yowling TO me, calling me, I realized something was wrong. Norn is a 'recovering feral', and while she is an amazing and loving cat, she is not big into the cuddles. So when she begs me to come pet her and rub her ears, cries out when I get up to leave, I know something is up. That coupled with odd panting (it was hot yesterday, but not THAT hot), had me whisk her to the vet's.
I was fully expecting that Dr. Morris would give me a pat on the head and a 'try not to be a hypochondriac FOR your cat' speech. Instead, she came out and told me she was very concerned - Norn's breathing was extremely labored, and her stomach was distended.
At first we thought it might be FIP or some other horrendous disease, so I stood in Petsmart bawling like a child, thinking that yesterday would see me say a long-distance goodbye to Taz and a way-too-soon goodbye to Norn. But after waiting at the vet clinic for hours, an X-Ray and an Ultrasound (not to mention a toe-curling vet bill), we discovered that Norn has acute pnemonia, coupled with an extremely swollen spleen.
Goddam spleens. They always get in the f*cking way. So, we know for sure she has a bacterial infection - either it's standalone (which is pretty unlikely given her spleen), or is secondary to a virus or cancer. A virus can't be treated, so we're just treating the bacterial infection and riding out the virus (if there is one). If it's cancer, her symptoms would indicate that it's very advanced, and there's nothing much we can do.
I'm trying to keep her comfortable. Last night I stayed up the whole night, lying beside her on the floor for hours, petting her and trying not to fall asleep. A couple times I gave up and tried to climb into bed, but she would cry and cry for me, and I ended up piling some pillows on the floor and just sleeping next to her. I felt bad leaving her alone, and was worried that letting her cry would hurt her lungs.
Today she seems more comfortable - the gas pain she was experiencing from swallowing air while trying to breath seems to have abated, and she's resting. She's still crying a lot, but it's not as insistent as it was yesterday. I hated leaving her alone today, but I had to go to work. After checking up on her at lunch, I'm pretty confident that she's at least okay for now, and more comfortable than she was yesterday.
We won't know what the ultimate outcome of this will be until it happens - either she'll be better, or she won't be. Only one thing is for sure - when it rains, it really pours, doesn't it?
So after reeling from his loss (despite being expected, it still hurt), I came home to spend some time with my little animals. I fed the cats, and took Pan out for a quick 'walk' in the backyard. When I came back inside, I could hear Norn yowling - not unusual, she goes through yowling phases on and off.
But when I realized that she was yowling TO me, calling me, I realized something was wrong. Norn is a 'recovering feral', and while she is an amazing and loving cat, she is not big into the cuddles. So when she begs me to come pet her and rub her ears, cries out when I get up to leave, I know something is up. That coupled with odd panting (it was hot yesterday, but not THAT hot), had me whisk her to the vet's.
I was fully expecting that Dr. Morris would give me a pat on the head and a 'try not to be a hypochondriac FOR your cat' speech. Instead, she came out and told me she was very concerned - Norn's breathing was extremely labored, and her stomach was distended.
At first we thought it might be FIP or some other horrendous disease, so I stood in Petsmart bawling like a child, thinking that yesterday would see me say a long-distance goodbye to Taz and a way-too-soon goodbye to Norn. But after waiting at the vet clinic for hours, an X-Ray and an Ultrasound (not to mention a toe-curling vet bill), we discovered that Norn has acute pnemonia, coupled with an extremely swollen spleen.
Goddam spleens. They always get in the f*cking way. So, we know for sure she has a bacterial infection - either it's standalone (which is pretty unlikely given her spleen), or is secondary to a virus or cancer. A virus can't be treated, so we're just treating the bacterial infection and riding out the virus (if there is one). If it's cancer, her symptoms would indicate that it's very advanced, and there's nothing much we can do.
I'm trying to keep her comfortable. Last night I stayed up the whole night, lying beside her on the floor for hours, petting her and trying not to fall asleep. A couple times I gave up and tried to climb into bed, but she would cry and cry for me, and I ended up piling some pillows on the floor and just sleeping next to her. I felt bad leaving her alone, and was worried that letting her cry would hurt her lungs.
Today she seems more comfortable - the gas pain she was experiencing from swallowing air while trying to breath seems to have abated, and she's resting. She's still crying a lot, but it's not as insistent as it was yesterday. I hated leaving her alone today, but I had to go to work. After checking up on her at lunch, I'm pretty confident that she's at least okay for now, and more comfortable than she was yesterday.
We won't know what the ultimate outcome of this will be until it happens - either she'll be better, or she won't be. Only one thing is for sure - when it rains, it really pours, doesn't it?
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Passing of a Titan
When I was about 14, my family adopted a 2 year old dog named Taz. He was amazing, and we got him from the local shelter. When he came to us, it was obvious that he had not been in a good home - he shied away from our hands like we were going to hit him, was deathly afraid of water, and was EXTREMELY skinny.
14 years later, he was a happy watermelon of a dog that absolutely adored everyone. He was so sweet and gentle and just the perfect pup - one of the most 'grateful' animals I have ever met. Taz would be content to have his hand shook for hours, and grew very adept at flipping dangling hands up over his neck to be petted.
Today, Taz passed away from kidney failure. I know exactly where he is right now - running at top speed all over the family island up in Canada, just like he did when he was younger. It's always going to be summer for him there, and there will be no end of smelly messes to investigate, squirrels to chase, water to stand in and pontificate, and daylilies to crush by lying on them. We'll be petting him with our hearts from now on - we miss you, Taz.
14 years later, he was a happy watermelon of a dog that absolutely adored everyone. He was so sweet and gentle and just the perfect pup - one of the most 'grateful' animals I have ever met. Taz would be content to have his hand shook for hours, and grew very adept at flipping dangling hands up over his neck to be petted.
Today, Taz passed away from kidney failure. I know exactly where he is right now - running at top speed all over the family island up in Canada, just like he did when he was younger. It's always going to be summer for him there, and there will be no end of smelly messes to investigate, squirrels to chase, water to stand in and pontificate, and daylilies to crush by lying on them. We'll be petting him with our hearts from now on - we miss you, Taz.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Pagan Crafts! (Ostara)
With Ostara well behind us and Beltane creeping up (well, SPRINTING more than creeping, but whatever...), it's hard to believe the year is passing by so quickly. I guess as you get older, your frame of reference for the passage of time continues to increase, which (inversely) causes your actual experience of the days going by to decrease. EXPONENTIALLY.
I've had several wonderful opportunities to get more involved with the Fellowship up here in Northern New Jersey. I got to be the 'Kitchen Witch' for Ostara, and helped organize the Craft Night for the ritual. I wasn't able to attend because of an illness, (which has yet to go away, but that's another story), but I was able to organize and get everything together. A sweet woman from the Fellowship actually opened her home and ran the event, which was the hard part (she gets the glory for this one!).
Since it was our first foray into Pagan Craft Night, we made it pretty simple - just Ostara Eggs decorated with various spring-y symbols. The woman I mentioned earlier actually got the PAAS egg decorating kit that comes with gold leaf to rub onto your eggs (they were gorgeous!).
Check out the finished product:
I made up a 'craft instruction sheet' for the eggs, but we were unfortunately unable to use them as we had intended - they were left unrefridgerated and could not be eaten! You can check out the Ostara Eggs Instruction Sheet in PDF below, though.
I've had several wonderful opportunities to get more involved with the Fellowship up here in Northern New Jersey. I got to be the 'Kitchen Witch' for Ostara, and helped organize the Craft Night for the ritual. I wasn't able to attend because of an illness, (which has yet to go away, but that's another story), but I was able to organize and get everything together. A sweet woman from the Fellowship actually opened her home and ran the event, which was the hard part (she gets the glory for this one!).
Since it was our first foray into Pagan Craft Night, we made it pretty simple - just Ostara Eggs decorated with various spring-y symbols. The woman I mentioned earlier actually got the PAAS egg decorating kit that comes with gold leaf to rub onto your eggs (they were gorgeous!).
Check out the finished product:
I made up a 'craft instruction sheet' for the eggs, but we were unfortunately unable to use them as we had intended - they were left unrefridgerated and could not be eaten! You can check out the Ostara Eggs Instruction Sheet in PDF below, though.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Qabal-tastic!!!
Well, we had another great Roundtable with the Fellowship, studying the "Chicken Qabalah" (which I highly recommend). I absolutely adore this book - it dives into the Qabalah with the reverent yet carefree curiosity and joy of the Fool.
We had a lot of great insights tonight, and I found myself sharing something that I didn't even know I truly felt. We were discussing the Star trump in the Tarot deck, which is Tzaddi, the 28th path. This is the path between the Sephiroth Netzach (Victory) and Yesod (Foundation). It relates to words like hunt, capture, and adversary.
I'll be honest - I'm not terribly good with Tarot. I'm trying to learn, and honestly the Qabalah has taught me more in a month and a half than I have picked up in years of ardent (well, relatively ardent...okay, sort of ardent) study. But looking at Tzaddi in relation to the Star trump really brought up this fountain of understanding I didn't even know I had.
In the Rider-Waite tarot deck, The Star is the image of a young woman kneeling, half on land and half in a pond. She is pouring out two vessels of water, one into the water and one onto the earth. I have seen other decks where she is a white-skinned huntress, with a quiver strung across her back. She is leaping across a stream, with one foot on each side. To me, this card represents the singular and independent strength of femininity - she needs no sun to light her, and no other celestial influences cross her path. She hunts alone, and is terrible and beautiful in her solitude. Her strength is built on a foundation of the most primal intuition, the rawest form of a woman's sense.
Though she embodies the powers of woman, she is not a nurturing character. Nor is she actively cruel - she represents an independence that is awesome and lonely, the pinnacle of feminine power. But she is lesser than her other feminine counterparts, because no part of the universe can exist apart from all the other parts - her solitude, to me, is her only weakness, but also her greatest strength.
We had a lot of great insights tonight, and I found myself sharing something that I didn't even know I truly felt. We were discussing the Star trump in the Tarot deck, which is Tzaddi, the 28th path. This is the path between the Sephiroth Netzach (Victory) and Yesod (Foundation). It relates to words like hunt, capture, and adversary.
I'll be honest - I'm not terribly good with Tarot. I'm trying to learn, and honestly the Qabalah has taught me more in a month and a half than I have picked up in years of ardent (well, relatively ardent...okay, sort of ardent) study. But looking at Tzaddi in relation to the Star trump really brought up this fountain of understanding I didn't even know I had.
In the Rider-Waite tarot deck, The Star is the image of a young woman kneeling, half on land and half in a pond. She is pouring out two vessels of water, one into the water and one onto the earth. I have seen other decks where she is a white-skinned huntress, with a quiver strung across her back. She is leaping across a stream, with one foot on each side. To me, this card represents the singular and independent strength of femininity - she needs no sun to light her, and no other celestial influences cross her path. She hunts alone, and is terrible and beautiful in her solitude. Her strength is built on a foundation of the most primal intuition, the rawest form of a woman's sense.
Though she embodies the powers of woman, she is not a nurturing character. Nor is she actively cruel - she represents an independence that is awesome and lonely, the pinnacle of feminine power. But she is lesser than her other feminine counterparts, because no part of the universe can exist apart from all the other parts - her solitude, to me, is her only weakness, but also her greatest strength.
Monday, March 23, 2009
So much for neutral ground...
An article on CNN today shared that South Africa just refused a visa to the Dalai Lama, a visa that was requested to facilitate his attendance at an international peace conference in Johannesburg.
The archbishop Demond Tutu and F. W. DeKlerk are now boycotting the event, and I encourage all other leaders attending the conference to do the same.
Productive peace discussions can only take place on neutral ground, and South Africa has blatantly demonstrated that they do not intend to provide such a field for discussions. By bowing to China, (with whom they have profitable trade negotiations), and disallowing this visit by a nobel laureate, they hearken back to the days of Nelson Mandela's imprisonment.
They thinly veiled their refusal by saying it would take away from their hosting of the 2010 World Cup (HUH?!?) in a ridiculous attempt to save face.
I am ashamed of South Africa's actions, and hope that others see this ridiculous power-play for what it is.
The archbishop Demond Tutu and F. W. DeKlerk are now boycotting the event, and I encourage all other leaders attending the conference to do the same.
Productive peace discussions can only take place on neutral ground, and South Africa has blatantly demonstrated that they do not intend to provide such a field for discussions. By bowing to China, (with whom they have profitable trade negotiations), and disallowing this visit by a nobel laureate, they hearken back to the days of Nelson Mandela's imprisonment.
They thinly veiled their refusal by saying it would take away from their hosting of the 2010 World Cup (HUH?!?) in a ridiculous attempt to save face.
I am ashamed of South Africa's actions, and hope that others see this ridiculous power-play for what it is.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Interesting WitchVox discussion
There's a fascinating discussion currently playing out on one of the Witchvox boards, relating to this article written by Kathryn Joyce comparing the "Extreme Motherhood" of Nadya Suleman and the 18+ Duggar Family. There are a lot of great comments and input from the community there - check it out and chip in your two cents.
Here was my response to the article, and the comments preceding mine...
Here was my response to the article, and the comments preceding mine...
ArachneDefiant (Whippany, New Jersey)
First of all, it is so awesome to be a part of such an active and idea-prolific pagan community. It's great to see so many people free to voice their opinions.
That said - here here to Snow Phoenix and the others who are holding back from wholesale ideology-bashing. I completely understand where a lot of you are coming from, but I think we need to take a quick step back in regards to how we view cases like the Suleman's vs. the Duggars.
I do not agree with Quiverfull's tenets, and find some of them to be a little out there. The same can be said of Mormonism, or basically any other religious tradition of which I am not a part. However, I don't think it makes sense to say that just because I'm not floating with their tide, doesn't mean that they aren't happy.
Cults like the FLDS take clear and blatant advantage of the women and children in their care - isolationism is frighteningly pervasive, and their marriage practices are proven to force young women and girls into the marriage bed.
However, if a Mormon woman (not FLDS, mind you, but normal Mormon) , is happy and fulfilled and content with the life she leads, who on earth am I to tell her that she's wrong? I would be perfectly happy to carry on a discourse regarding her religious choices versus mine, but it's up to her and only her to decide what makes her happy.
If she's a healthy, intellectually sound woman who is a happy camper staying at home with the kiddlies and doing her husband's bidding, then who on earth am I to say different? She could just as easily cry out in horror at my lifestyle, at my concept of god (or gods :-D) , and my choices regarding childrearing.
Let's take a moment to compare the Suleman mother and the Duggar family. Nadya Suleman is a woman who has made a series of decisions that are bad for herself and her family, and not simply because we don't ideologically agree. She can't feed the children she has, takes our tax dollars to take care of kids who don't seem to be getting the attention they need anyway, and still seems to find time (and money) to have beautifully manicured nails and professionally styled hair.
On the other hand, we have the Duggars. Who, most definitely, are a little out there in their beliefs. However, their kids are well fed, relatively well adjusted, and seem to be a lot more capable of taking on responsibilities than some of the 2 or 3 kid families I run into regularly.
Honestly, I have watched the Duggar's programs and have seen, in particular, Mrs. Duggar during interviews. She absolutely glows. She smiles, she looks lovingly to her husband and children, and holds herself proudly.
I see no signs in her that would indicate abuse, brainwashing, or any other forms of degradation. I would hope that her children, daughters in particular, would be free to choose the lifestyle they want for themselves. Not all of them will probably grow up to be like their mother. But some of them probably will.
And you know what? If they are happy, more power to them. There are lots of people who oppose gay marriage who use a lot of the same arguments I see on this board today - "how could they think this is right", "obviously they are fundamentally out of their minds", etc. etc.
If you're happy and you're not hurting anyone, have as many babies as you want. If you have the means and the desire to be home with your 18 youngins, go for it. Who am I to say otherwise?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Gardening - Getting Out There!
I absolutely love gardening. Right now, I'm actually recovering from a rather nasty illness, so fantasizing about spending time outdoors is a great way to pass the time in bed. And the great authors over at 2 Witches actually put up this post today specifically about the value of gardening!
With Ostara looming right around the corner (how did it get to be the middle of March?!?), it's the perfect time to start planning out how to work with the earth to create a beautiful outdoor sacred space, that can nourish our bodies with fruits and vegetables, nourish our spirits with good ol' fashioned outdoor work, and nourish our spirituality by connecting us with the Goddess.
I'm looking forward to planning out my garden this year - I want some morning glories and other climbing plants to adorn the otherwise blank exterior of my apartment. I'd also like to put down some marigolds and other 'sunny' plants to celebrate the beauty of the sun. And of course, I'm putting in some herbs and veggies to keep my tummy happy.
More to come - but for now, it's a fun fantasy. Indulge yourself in some pre-planting imaginations!
With Ostara looming right around the corner (how did it get to be the middle of March?!?), it's the perfect time to start planning out how to work with the earth to create a beautiful outdoor sacred space, that can nourish our bodies with fruits and vegetables, nourish our spirits with good ol' fashioned outdoor work, and nourish our spirituality by connecting us with the Goddess.
I'm looking forward to planning out my garden this year - I want some morning glories and other climbing plants to adorn the otherwise blank exterior of my apartment. I'd also like to put down some marigolds and other 'sunny' plants to celebrate the beauty of the sun. And of course, I'm putting in some herbs and veggies to keep my tummy happy.
More to come - but for now, it's a fun fantasy. Indulge yourself in some pre-planting imaginations!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Handfasting
On Witchvox today there's a great article about handfasting (courtesty of author Zan Fraser), which covers this rather ancient rite from an Elizabethan perspective. As I usually equate handfasting with that wonderful scene from Braveheart (Mel Gibson, Huzzah!), it was interesting to consider it from the more rigid and (dare I say) 'civilized' Elizabethan version.
I would like to incorporate some version of handfasting in the ceremony my fiance and I have next May, but I want to keep it low key. This is not only because I don't want to upset any of the narrower minds on our guest list (no offense meant, it's just a reality of their condition). I also don't want the ceremony to be too much of anything. I want those who are watching to be able to see themselves and their partners, either was they were or as they hope to be, in our faces.
Sharing such a special moment with everyone's collective subconscious would be pretty nifty.
Just sayin'.
In any case, it's a great article and I recommend it.
I would like to incorporate some version of handfasting in the ceremony my fiance and I have next May, but I want to keep it low key. This is not only because I don't want to upset any of the narrower minds on our guest list (no offense meant, it's just a reality of their condition). I also don't want the ceremony to be too much of anything. I want those who are watching to be able to see themselves and their partners, either was they were or as they hope to be, in our faces.
Sharing such a special moment with everyone's collective subconscious would be pretty nifty.
Just sayin'.
In any case, it's a great article and I recommend it.
Wonderful Transition
A friend of mine, Maggi, posted on her blog recently about the pain and joy of transition and change. This past year has been a time of enormous change for me - a lot of letting go and a lot of treading new paths. Last December I moved to New Jersey from PA to take a job (which I adore). Moving away from my family and then-boyfriend (now fiance!) was (and is) one of the hardest things I had to do.
However, my move gave me the chance to grow and evolve as a person that I never could have done without such an enormous catalyst. I'm learning to truly express my pagan spirituality, to rely on myself to get things done in every context, and to deal with life one on one.
I have an amazing partner in this life, and the wonderful support of my family. I am so lucky to be where I am today, especially when I have begun to discover myself and truly explore my individuality.
Blessed be, and thanks be for all the wonder of my life.
However, my move gave me the chance to grow and evolve as a person that I never could have done without such an enormous catalyst. I'm learning to truly express my pagan spirituality, to rely on myself to get things done in every context, and to deal with life one on one.
I have an amazing partner in this life, and the wonderful support of my family. I am so lucky to be where I am today, especially when I have begun to discover myself and truly explore my individuality.
Blessed be, and thanks be for all the wonder of my life.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Hell yes! I'm a Chicken Qabalist!
I had an absolutely great book club meeting on Thursday night this week. The Fellowship (again, coolest Pagan group around) has set up a series of "Roundtables" where we will be studying the book "Chicken Qabalah" by Lon Milo Duguette. Lon is an awesome author with a GREAT sense of humor - and a lot of excellent practical experience and knowledge to back it up. On Thursday, we met at one of the coolest houses I've been in (thank you to the folks who put us up!), with a fireplace and wood floors and nice plush (old style!) chairs.
We had a great discussion, that ran the gamut from the Goddess figure in Feri tradition to personal struggles to (of course) Chicken Qabalah. Basically, this book is just a primer on occult Qabalah, presented in a nice, easy to follow format. I'll follow up with more Chicken Qabaltastic wonderment later - but for now, definitely check it out on Amazon. Totally worth it.
We had a great discussion, that ran the gamut from the Goddess figure in Feri tradition to personal struggles to (of course) Chicken Qabalah. Basically, this book is just a primer on occult Qabalah, presented in a nice, easy to follow format. I'll follow up with more Chicken Qabaltastic wonderment later - but for now, definitely check it out on Amazon. Totally worth it.
Monday, February 23, 2009
BREAK
Had to take a break...
Between writing a paper on (hang on, let me check what the title of this goddam thing is before I get it wrong) 'Management Control in the Context of Organizational Theories" and studying the history of American Law (for my paralegal course), my brain is melting.
MELTING
At least Freyja is playing with one of her springs. That will bring me joy as I feel my grey matter seeping out of my ears (there's nothing quite like watching a kitten walk around with a spring hanging out of her mouth). She's taken to jumping into the IKEA cat tent with it, and bouncing it off the walls in there. It's hilarious.
::sigh::
Back to the melting.
Between writing a paper on (hang on, let me check what the title of this goddam thing is before I get it wrong) 'Management Control in the Context of Organizational Theories" and studying the history of American Law (for my paralegal course), my brain is melting.
MELTING
At least Freyja is playing with one of her springs. That will bring me joy as I feel my grey matter seeping out of my ears (there's nothing quite like watching a kitten walk around with a spring hanging out of her mouth). She's taken to jumping into the IKEA cat tent with it, and bouncing it off the walls in there. It's hilarious.
::sigh::
Back to the melting.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Rest in Peace, Socks...
Yesterday, Socks the cat (of the Clinton family) passed away. He had battled cancer for months, and was put to sleep mid-morning.
Thank you to Betty Currie for taking care of this stray who found a home at the most powerful house in America.
Sleep well, Socks.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
NEW BLOG!!!
Not to take attention away from this, my inane (oops, did I say that?) normal blog, but I have started up a NEW BLOG to chronicle my adventures in Geocaching!
You can visit the blog by going to http://faigh-amach.blogspot.com, where I have posted Finding OUT. Faigh Amach means 'finding out' in Gaelic, and since I figured the English version was taken, here we have my creative way 'round.
Nothing super-interesting is up there yet, but this weekend I'm hoping to find some caches by my parent's house!!!
Finding OUT
You can visit the blog by going to http://faigh-amach.blogspot.com, where I have posted Finding OUT. Faigh Amach means 'finding out' in Gaelic, and since I figured the English version was taken, here we have my creative way 'round.
Nothing super-interesting is up there yet, but this weekend I'm hoping to find some caches by my parent's house!!!
Finding OUT
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
WW and Cat Ears
So, this week's WW update is...
Down another 2.8 pounds! So in total, I've lost 12.8 pounds, which brings me down to 208.4. YAY! I've got to say, working with the WW routine is really great - I don't feel deprived at all, (though a bit hungry sometimes), and I (obviously) am really seeing results. Hopefully I'll be able to fit into all my clothes from last year soon!
I found out on Monday that poor little Frigga apparently has an ear infection. :-( Last night was the first night I had to put drops in their ears myself, and let's just say - it wasn't pleasant. I tried really hard to make it low-impact for them, but everybody got stressed out, and they didn't want to be near me afterwards. It was really depressing, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's for their own good.
Here are the little angels themselves...
I'm hoping for a speedy recovery!!! I don't like my little ones being afraid of me and the ear-dropper of doom...
Down another 2.8 pounds! So in total, I've lost 12.8 pounds, which brings me down to 208.4. YAY! I've got to say, working with the WW routine is really great - I don't feel deprived at all, (though a bit hungry sometimes), and I (obviously) am really seeing results. Hopefully I'll be able to fit into all my clothes from last year soon!
I found out on Monday that poor little Frigga apparently has an ear infection. :-( Last night was the first night I had to put drops in their ears myself, and let's just say - it wasn't pleasant. I tried really hard to make it low-impact for them, but everybody got stressed out, and they didn't want to be near me afterwards. It was really depressing, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's for their own good.
Here are the little angels themselves...
I'm hoping for a speedy recovery!!! I don't like my little ones being afraid of me and the ear-dropper of doom...
Monday, February 16, 2009
Daytona 500 - Solid Finishes and Rain-Outs
First of all, congrats to Matt Kenseth for a 1st place finish in the 51st running of the Daytona 500! Though the race was washed out at lap 152 (the total race is 200 laps long), it was full of excitement and a win for a good team. Kevin Harvick could possibly have pulled off a second Daytona win for his career, but finished well in 2nd and has a promising season ahead of him. (No, I wouldn't be singing the same tune if it was Tony in Harvick's place, but blogger's prerogative - I can be biased!!!) However, as Harvick pointed out...
My boy, Tony Stewart, represented himself well, finishing 8th after starting 5th. Ryan Newman, Stewart's teammate in the Stewart Haas garage, finished and started 36th. I will end that discussion by stating that Newman has lots of room to move up during this season, and I am sure he will.
It was exciting to see Tony run his first race as an owner/driver. He did a great job - led a lap, finished in the top 10, and proved that he has lost nothing when gaining his new responsibilities. I'm really excited to see how this season shapes up!!!
As an aside - Junior had a tough race, and did not put forth a very good front about the whole thing. There was an interesting article at Nascar.com that really captured a lot of what I think this guy must be going through. He's a good man, and a good driver - but as I've always said, he isn't his father. And maybe that mantle is finally starting to weigh him down.
"But, you know, it's also kind of bittersweet, I guess you could say, for the fact that Matt is the one that pushed me to my Daytona 500 win [in 2007]. In the end, it's kind of weird how that stuff works out."
My boy, Tony Stewart, represented himself well, finishing 8th after starting 5th. Ryan Newman, Stewart's teammate in the Stewart Haas garage, finished and started 36th. I will end that discussion by stating that Newman has lots of room to move up during this season, and I am sure he will.
It was exciting to see Tony run his first race as an owner/driver. He did a great job - led a lap, finished in the top 10, and proved that he has lost nothing when gaining his new responsibilities. I'm really excited to see how this season shapes up!!!
As an aside - Junior had a tough race, and did not put forth a very good front about the whole thing. There was an interesting article at Nascar.com that really captured a lot of what I think this guy must be going through. He's a good man, and a good driver - but as I've always said, he isn't his father. And maybe that mantle is finally starting to weigh him down.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
WW Update
So, I avoided talking about WW last week because, due to my trip into NYC with our sales directors, I had gained 1.2 pounds. ::sob::
HOWEVER. There is a happy ending to this story. When I weighed in yesterday, it was with a 1.8 pound loss - bringing me to 10 pounds lost total! That is officially 5% of my body weight - I am halfway to my first goal of 10%!!! For me, this is really enormous. I don't think I've lost that much weight, intentionally (mono diet excluded, of course), ever. I've been steadily gaining weight since I was 16, with a major flareup over the past year. And for the longest time, I was really in denial that I was overweight.
But then, I saw a picture of myself that Sonny took...
And I realized that I can't be in denial anymore. Between that and my doctor (gently) suggesting that my cholesterol was a bit high earlier this year (I'M 24, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!), I know that I was, and continue to be overweight.
However. I really feel like Weight Watchers has given me a diet I can really follow and not feel totally deprived. I track EVERYTHING I eat, and even that act alone, (without including the actual dieting part), has made a huge impact on how I look at food. I used to drink fruit juice instead of water - ALL THE TIME. And soda? It was my lifeblood.
Since I started this diet, I get one, maybe two glasses of juice a day. I drink water the rest of the time. And instead of soda? Herbal teas. I used to drink just blank orange pekoe with LOADS of cream and sugar. Now, I'm being introduced to all sorts of gourmet teas (some courtesy of Harry Schwartz, whose blog is awesome...), and they're great. I don't really feel like I'm missing out.
And even more - when I DO treat myself to soda (which I have!), I really enjoy it. I don't just wolf it down, order another, and another and another... I really APPRECIATE the food I eat now. I don't just scarf until I feel so ridiculously full I can't take it. I can even turn food down - and I'm doing it more and more often, as I feel less hungry all the time.
I know a lot of my eating has to do with my emotions. And taking this step to say, "No, that sort of eating is unhealthy", has been amazing.
It's not always going to be fun and new and interesting to me. But I want to make a concerted effort to make this not just a diet - but a change in the way I eat. And I hope I'm off to a good start.
HOWEVER. There is a happy ending to this story. When I weighed in yesterday, it was with a 1.8 pound loss - bringing me to 10 pounds lost total! That is officially 5% of my body weight - I am halfway to my first goal of 10%!!! For me, this is really enormous. I don't think I've lost that much weight, intentionally (mono diet excluded, of course), ever. I've been steadily gaining weight since I was 16, with a major flareup over the past year. And for the longest time, I was really in denial that I was overweight.
But then, I saw a picture of myself that Sonny took...
And I realized that I can't be in denial anymore. Between that and my doctor (gently) suggesting that my cholesterol was a bit high earlier this year (I'M 24, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!), I know that I was, and continue to be overweight.
However. I really feel like Weight Watchers has given me a diet I can really follow and not feel totally deprived. I track EVERYTHING I eat, and even that act alone, (without including the actual dieting part), has made a huge impact on how I look at food. I used to drink fruit juice instead of water - ALL THE TIME. And soda? It was my lifeblood.
Since I started this diet, I get one, maybe two glasses of juice a day. I drink water the rest of the time. And instead of soda? Herbal teas. I used to drink just blank orange pekoe with LOADS of cream and sugar. Now, I'm being introduced to all sorts of gourmet teas (some courtesy of Harry Schwartz, whose blog is awesome...), and they're great. I don't really feel like I'm missing out.
And even more - when I DO treat myself to soda (which I have!), I really enjoy it. I don't just wolf it down, order another, and another and another... I really APPRECIATE the food I eat now. I don't just scarf until I feel so ridiculously full I can't take it. I can even turn food down - and I'm doing it more and more often, as I feel less hungry all the time.
I know a lot of my eating has to do with my emotions. And taking this step to say, "No, that sort of eating is unhealthy", has been amazing.
It's not always going to be fun and new and interesting to me. But I want to make a concerted effort to make this not just a diet - but a change in the way I eat. And I hope I'm off to a good start.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Imbolc Ritual - Amazing!!!
Well, it's another hit from the Fellowship! Last night we had an Imbolc ritual, and it was fabulous. It was a wonderful, open environment, and I truly felt welcomed. I even got to participate in the ritual, and called the West quarter. It's a whole different experience when you're spiritually exercising like that as a group. I really had a blast.
One of the parts of the ritual was when Maggi, one of our fearless leaders, 'aspected' the countenance of Brighid. It was a really amazing experience, and it gave me clarity on how to move forward with my spirituality. I was told to keep Brighid's flame, and pray to her on the 20th day - and so here we are at day one. Maggi sweetly gave me a candle and a great chant to invoke the spirit of Brighid while lighting the candle:
It's simple and sweet, and I really like it. I found two other prayers on the internet (ah, the glorious tubes) to turn this into a daily ritual that can be replenished as I need it. Here's my basic structure:
------------------------------
MORNING:
This morning, as I kindle the flame upon my hearth, I pray that the flame of Brighid may burn in my soul, and the souls of all I meet today.
I pray that no envy and malice, no hatred or fear, may smother the flame.
I pray that indifference and apathy, contempt and pride, may not pour like cold water on the flame.
Instead, may the spark of Brighid light the love in my soul, that it may burn brightly throughout the day.
And may I warm those who are lonely, whose hearts are cold and lifeless, that all may know the comfort of Brighid's love.
::light candle::
Holy well, sacred flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One Be Near
Bright One Be Near
EVENING:
Holy well, sacred flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One Be Near
Bright One Be Near
::extinguish candle::
Brighid, preserve the fire, as we are preserved.
Brighid, may its warmth remain in our midst, as you are always among us.
Brighid, may it rise to life in the morning, as we rise to life.
Then throughout the day I'd use the "Holy Well/Sacred Flame" chant when I feel the need, whether it be for praise or for support.
------------------------------
More to come on the development of this mini-tual.
One of the parts of the ritual was when Maggi, one of our fearless leaders, 'aspected' the countenance of Brighid. It was a really amazing experience, and it gave me clarity on how to move forward with my spirituality. I was told to keep Brighid's flame, and pray to her on the 20th day - and so here we are at day one. Maggi sweetly gave me a candle and a great chant to invoke the spirit of Brighid while lighting the candle:
Holy Well, Sacred Flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One, Be Here
Bright One, Be Here.
It's simple and sweet, and I really like it. I found two other prayers on the internet (ah, the glorious tubes) to turn this into a daily ritual that can be replenished as I need it. Here's my basic structure:
------------------------------
MORNING:
This morning, as I kindle the flame upon my hearth, I pray that the flame of Brighid may burn in my soul, and the souls of all I meet today.
I pray that no envy and malice, no hatred or fear, may smother the flame.
I pray that indifference and apathy, contempt and pride, may not pour like cold water on the flame.
Instead, may the spark of Brighid light the love in my soul, that it may burn brightly throughout the day.
And may I warm those who are lonely, whose hearts are cold and lifeless, that all may know the comfort of Brighid's love.
::light candle::
Holy well, sacred flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One Be Near
Bright One Be Near
EVENING:
Holy well, sacred flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One Be Near
Bright One Be Near
::extinguish candle::
Brighid, preserve the fire, as we are preserved.
Brighid, may its warmth remain in our midst, as you are always among us.
Brighid, may it rise to life in the morning, as we rise to life.
Then throughout the day I'd use the "Holy Well/Sacred Flame" chant when I feel the need, whether it be for praise or for support.
------------------------------
More to come on the development of this mini-tual.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
"Unfriended" - from Cakelet
I read an awesome blog called Cakelet, and the author recently posted about a friend that she had lost, the only friend she had ever been wronged by.
Her gracious, kind response to her friend's betrayal was so complete and so genuine that I was deeply moved. I can be petty, cruel, and so thoughtless when I feel that I have been wronged. I am judgmental, quick to anger, and slow to recant. Thankfully, I am surrounded by wonderful people who rarely set off my temper - in truth, it is more often myself than any others combined that make me angry.
But going back to Cakelet's post - I am reminded of the one friend by whom I have felt truly and deeply wronged. While we still remained 'friends' after this incident, I have forever been harboring feelings of betrayal and hurt since this happened. I am writing this post today in honor of the season of light which began with Imbolc on the 2nd, in celebration of the return of the sun. I hold up this hardened and cold part of my heart to be exposed to the light, and therefore warmed.
When I was 16, I became pregnant. Being young, stupid, and selfish, I was terrified and simply took the instructions of those who were not acting in my or my child's best interest. There was one person I reached out to while I was still pregnant, to let her know about what had happened and ask for her help. I remember very clearly, walking down the ramp from the cafeteria to class in my high school, with her at my side, telling her I had a secret and needed help.
She looked me straight in the face and said (ironically), "Well, as long as you're not pregnant, anything!". I was so stunned I said nothing, just stared at her (with a face probably white as a sheet). She stood looking at me for a moment, and then realizing what my silence meant, she immediately shook her head and looked away. "Don't say anything else," she said, "or I won't be able to talk to you or be your friend anymore".
So, silenced, I continued walking down the corridor with her and sealed my lips firmly, vowing not to talk to anyone else.
I have never shared about this before. Now that my blog is known to so many of my friends and family, I almost hesitate to write it down. But honestly, this was one of the pivotal moments in my life, and it defined me and my feelings for a long time.
I wrote this to cleanse myself of my anger, and honestly, I do feel better. I forgive her. She was young and scared, as I was, and in her fear reacted as I had: shutting down. So I forgive her. I truly forgive her, for she was never at fault for reacting as she did. I will let this go now, like a candle floating away on the waves, and fill in another dark hole in my heart with renewing earth. Let's hope something else grows there now.
Her gracious, kind response to her friend's betrayal was so complete and so genuine that I was deeply moved. I can be petty, cruel, and so thoughtless when I feel that I have been wronged. I am judgmental, quick to anger, and slow to recant. Thankfully, I am surrounded by wonderful people who rarely set off my temper - in truth, it is more often myself than any others combined that make me angry.
But going back to Cakelet's post - I am reminded of the one friend by whom I have felt truly and deeply wronged. While we still remained 'friends' after this incident, I have forever been harboring feelings of betrayal and hurt since this happened. I am writing this post today in honor of the season of light which began with Imbolc on the 2nd, in celebration of the return of the sun. I hold up this hardened and cold part of my heart to be exposed to the light, and therefore warmed.
When I was 16, I became pregnant. Being young, stupid, and selfish, I was terrified and simply took the instructions of those who were not acting in my or my child's best interest. There was one person I reached out to while I was still pregnant, to let her know about what had happened and ask for her help. I remember very clearly, walking down the ramp from the cafeteria to class in my high school, with her at my side, telling her I had a secret and needed help.
She looked me straight in the face and said (ironically), "Well, as long as you're not pregnant, anything!". I was so stunned I said nothing, just stared at her (with a face probably white as a sheet). She stood looking at me for a moment, and then realizing what my silence meant, she immediately shook her head and looked away. "Don't say anything else," she said, "or I won't be able to talk to you or be your friend anymore".
So, silenced, I continued walking down the corridor with her and sealed my lips firmly, vowing not to talk to anyone else.
I have never shared about this before. Now that my blog is known to so many of my friends and family, I almost hesitate to write it down. But honestly, this was one of the pivotal moments in my life, and it defined me and my feelings for a long time.
I wrote this to cleanse myself of my anger, and honestly, I do feel better. I forgive her. She was young and scared, as I was, and in her fear reacted as I had: shutting down. So I forgive her. I truly forgive her, for she was never at fault for reacting as she did. I will let this go now, like a candle floating away on the waves, and fill in another dark hole in my heart with renewing earth. Let's hope something else grows there now.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Weight Watchers: Week 3 Weigh-In (& More!)
So, the number after my third weigh-in is...::drumroll please::...
211.8!
Down another 2.4 pounds, for a total of 9.4. Not too bad, for two weeks of dieting. I know it's probably going to be a slow-and-steady type of race after this, but I'm happy that I am making such good progress. A friend of mine (very wisely) had a long discussion with me after my WW meeting yesterday, reminding me that healthy eating habits are a lifetime decision and I can't expect all my weight to slough off overnight - and it would come right back on, besides.
I feel a bit silly writing about weight loss when I just consumed 50 POINTS IN ONE MEAL. I get 28 per day. I'm rather ashamed, but honestly, I had small portions of everything I ate. It was a business dinner and my boss wanted me to 'have fun'...too bad I didn't have my Eating Out guide with me, or I would have only had 3 oz of beef (at 7 points!) instead of six. Let alone the rolls. Or the soda. Or the ice cream...
The long and short is that I have to be good for the rest of the week. It's not like I suffer at all on 28 points per day. Soon, (hopefully!), I'll be going down to 27, so I need to be ready. I think a decadent dinner once in a while is okay - but only once in a while! I'm going to The Melting Pot with my sister on Saturday (she's coming to visit - YAY!!!), but I can still enjoy myself there without totally pigging out.
NEXT TOPIC: FranklinCovey!
So, the reason I went to a super-fancy (and fattening!) dinner tonight is because I am in New York City for the week for a sales strategy meeting and a FranklinCovey training course, which we had today. I've been using a FranklinCovey planning system for about a year and a half now - and while it has helped, I understand now that I was really only using it as a glorified to-do list, and there is so much more that I could accomplish in terms of time management.
I made a lot of professional and personal resolutions that I would really like to stick to - consider this another one of my resolutions for the year. (I should really update with my progress on all of those...perhaps this weekend!) However, we did a really great exercise today which was: Determining Your Governing Values.
Here are mine:
- Moderation
- Tranquility
- Order
- Resolution
- Sincerity
- Justice
- Generosity
- Gratitute
- Responsibility
We did this exercise as an echo of a personal exercise of Benjamin Franklin's. When he was 27 (only three years older than me!) , he sat down one night and wrote a list of governing values in his life. Every day, for the rest of his tenure on earth, he would go over those values and take stock of how he had or had not worked to achieve each of them. He wasn't going for perfection: just an effort towards it.
I find this terribly admirable, and think it to be an excellent exercise. So, with the nine values I have mentioned, I am going to try each day to better myself by following them. I'll let you know how it goes.
But tell me - what are YOUR governing values?
211.8!
Down another 2.4 pounds, for a total of 9.4. Not too bad, for two weeks of dieting. I know it's probably going to be a slow-and-steady type of race after this, but I'm happy that I am making such good progress. A friend of mine (very wisely) had a long discussion with me after my WW meeting yesterday, reminding me that healthy eating habits are a lifetime decision and I can't expect all my weight to slough off overnight - and it would come right back on, besides.
I feel a bit silly writing about weight loss when I just consumed 50 POINTS IN ONE MEAL. I get 28 per day. I'm rather ashamed, but honestly, I had small portions of everything I ate. It was a business dinner and my boss wanted me to 'have fun'...too bad I didn't have my Eating Out guide with me, or I would have only had 3 oz of beef (at 7 points!) instead of six. Let alone the rolls. Or the soda. Or the ice cream...
The long and short is that I have to be good for the rest of the week. It's not like I suffer at all on 28 points per day. Soon, (hopefully!), I'll be going down to 27, so I need to be ready. I think a decadent dinner once in a while is okay - but only once in a while! I'm going to The Melting Pot with my sister on Saturday (she's coming to visit - YAY!!!), but I can still enjoy myself there without totally pigging out.
NEXT TOPIC: FranklinCovey!
So, the reason I went to a super-fancy (and fattening!) dinner tonight is because I am in New York City for the week for a sales strategy meeting and a FranklinCovey training course, which we had today. I've been using a FranklinCovey planning system for about a year and a half now - and while it has helped, I understand now that I was really only using it as a glorified to-do list, and there is so much more that I could accomplish in terms of time management.
I made a lot of professional and personal resolutions that I would really like to stick to - consider this another one of my resolutions for the year. (I should really update with my progress on all of those...perhaps this weekend!) However, we did a really great exercise today which was: Determining Your Governing Values.
Here are mine:
- Moderation
- Tranquility
- Order
- Resolution
- Sincerity
- Justice
- Generosity
- Gratitute
- Responsibility
We did this exercise as an echo of a personal exercise of Benjamin Franklin's. When he was 27 (only three years older than me!) , he sat down one night and wrote a list of governing values in his life. Every day, for the rest of his tenure on earth, he would go over those values and take stock of how he had or had not worked to achieve each of them. He wasn't going for perfection: just an effort towards it.
I find this terribly admirable, and think it to be an excellent exercise. So, with the nine values I have mentioned, I am going to try each day to better myself by following them. I'll let you know how it goes.
But tell me - what are YOUR governing values?
Friday, January 23, 2009
My kitties...
:::sigh::
So, I found out on Tuesdya night that both Freyja and Frigga have HCM (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy). I have known that Freyja has it since this summer - we found out about Frigga when they accidentally performed the follow-up echo on Frigga (apparently it's hard to tell my little ones apart...)
Anyway. It just brought back all the uncertainty and sadness I felt when Freyja was first diagnosed. When I dropped them off for their physicals (I just enrolled them in Banfield's awesome Optimum Wellness Plan), I was having these horrible intrusive daymares about having to put Freyja down.
I need to focus on the fact that they are healthy and I am doing all I can to keep them that way. Ah, the power of positive thought...
So, I found out on Tuesdya night that both Freyja and Frigga have HCM (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy). I have known that Freyja has it since this summer - we found out about Frigga when they accidentally performed the follow-up echo on Frigga (apparently it's hard to tell my little ones apart...)
Anyway. It just brought back all the uncertainty and sadness I felt when Freyja was first diagnosed. When I dropped them off for their physicals (I just enrolled them in Banfield's awesome Optimum Wellness Plan), I was having these horrible intrusive daymares about having to put Freyja down.
I need to focus on the fact that they are healthy and I am doing all I can to keep them that way. Ah, the power of positive thought...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
7 POUNDS
No, not the movie.
7 pounds is how much I lost my first week on Weight Watchers. And honest to goodness, I didn't even really feel like I was dieting.
Sure, I was hungry a bit more often than I used to be - but not bone-aching, stomach churning hungry, just sort of - oh, maybe I should eat - hungry.
I ate tilapia and fruit and even a twix bar and an Arby's sandwich. I had juice and ice-cream and, quite frankly, thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn't feel deprived. I didn't feel forced. And now, 7 pounds lighter, I feel great.
I know next week probably won't be as spectacular. But today I'm going to the gym, and I've also resolved to try a new Shiva yoga tomorrow night.
But for right now, I am just pleased as punch (which, by the way, is only 2 points if you drink the all-natural, no-sugar-added stuff. Which is quite good. :-D)
7 pounds is how much I lost my first week on Weight Watchers. And honest to goodness, I didn't even really feel like I was dieting.
Sure, I was hungry a bit more often than I used to be - but not bone-aching, stomach churning hungry, just sort of - oh, maybe I should eat - hungry.
I ate tilapia and fruit and even a twix bar and an Arby's sandwich. I had juice and ice-cream and, quite frankly, thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn't feel deprived. I didn't feel forced. And now, 7 pounds lighter, I feel great.
I know next week probably won't be as spectacular. But today I'm going to the gym, and I've also resolved to try a new Shiva yoga tomorrow night.
But for right now, I am just pleased as punch (which, by the way, is only 2 points if you drink the all-natural, no-sugar-added stuff. Which is quite good. :-D)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Weight Watchers: ENGAGE!
Okay, so, welcome to my first week of Weight Watchers. I'm halfway through now, and it is has been a very interesting experience so far.
I went to my first meeting at 12:30 in Denville, NJ last week. The people there were very pleasant (especially the British woman who weighed me in originally), and the group was pleasant, if a little less positive than I had anticipated. There were a lot of people saying, "I was so HUNGRY last week...". I don't mean to diminish their discomfort, I have had the nips of hunger too this week, but I can't help but thank my lucky stars that I was born in a country where I can pay to LOOSE weight.
Anyway. So, I've been sticking to the points all this week. I weighed in at a WHOPPING 221.2 pounds, which is so unacceptable I can't even begin to discuss it. I'm planning to share my weight loss each week on this blog, to follow my progress along my "New Year's Resolutions".
I get to have 29 "Points" of food every day. And while I was initially quite resistant to the whole Weight Watchers idea, I have to say that I have really enjoyed the flexibility it gives me. For instance, on Monday, I had barely used up half of my points for the day. I was proud of myself, but Mom immediately corrected me and told me to use up all the points every day - apparently that's just as important as not over-eating. So, I went home, made myself a vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup sundae, and watched a movie. And no, the treat was not low-fat in the least. Ordinary, everyday ice-cream that really hit the spot. I just didn't have a huge bowlful, and I ate it slowly. That helped a lot.
Instead of ordering my favorite gourmet macaroni and cheese at a company luncheon this week (at the wonderful Tabor Road Tavern right down the road from our office), I had a caesar salad, beautiful pan-seared tilapia on a bed of spinach, and a goblet of berries. It was a big meal, but still low on points, and you can bet your bippie I enjoyed every bite of it.
Even more interesting, I don't think I've ever really TASTED the leaves of a salad before. At least, not the ordinary non-bitter ones. When I was served that caesar salad, I hadn't eaten yet (an accident of workload, not intentional). It was PHENOMENAL. I really enjoyed it, like I don't think I've enjoyed food for a while.
So I'm excited about weighing in next Monday and seeing if I've made any progress. I know this is going to be a long, slow, road, but I hope I'm ready for it.
I went to my first meeting at 12:30 in Denville, NJ last week. The people there were very pleasant (especially the British woman who weighed me in originally), and the group was pleasant, if a little less positive than I had anticipated. There were a lot of people saying, "I was so HUNGRY last week...". I don't mean to diminish their discomfort, I have had the nips of hunger too this week, but I can't help but thank my lucky stars that I was born in a country where I can pay to LOOSE weight.
Anyway. So, I've been sticking to the points all this week. I weighed in at a WHOPPING 221.2 pounds, which is so unacceptable I can't even begin to discuss it. I'm planning to share my weight loss each week on this blog, to follow my progress along my "New Year's Resolutions".
I get to have 29 "Points" of food every day. And while I was initially quite resistant to the whole Weight Watchers idea, I have to say that I have really enjoyed the flexibility it gives me. For instance, on Monday, I had barely used up half of my points for the day. I was proud of myself, but Mom immediately corrected me and told me to use up all the points every day - apparently that's just as important as not over-eating. So, I went home, made myself a vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup sundae, and watched a movie. And no, the treat was not low-fat in the least. Ordinary, everyday ice-cream that really hit the spot. I just didn't have a huge bowlful, and I ate it slowly. That helped a lot.
Instead of ordering my favorite gourmet macaroni and cheese at a company luncheon this week (at the wonderful Tabor Road Tavern right down the road from our office), I had a caesar salad, beautiful pan-seared tilapia on a bed of spinach, and a goblet of berries. It was a big meal, but still low on points, and you can bet your bippie I enjoyed every bite of it.
Even more interesting, I don't think I've ever really TASTED the leaves of a salad before. At least, not the ordinary non-bitter ones. When I was served that caesar salad, I hadn't eaten yet (an accident of workload, not intentional). It was PHENOMENAL. I really enjoyed it, like I don't think I've enjoyed food for a while.
So I'm excited about weighing in next Monday and seeing if I've made any progress. I know this is going to be a long, slow, road, but I hope I'm ready for it.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
New Class: Accounting
Okay, so. I am a Marketing major (my undergrad degree). I am currently in an MBA program for a concentration in Project Management. Let's be honest and say that I'm not interested in the numbers side of business - I like theory and practice.
My accounting class for my MBA started this past week. I am nervous, especially since I did so badly in accounting as an undergrad (I did pass). I make no pretensions at being good with numbers - but hopefully I'll be able to come out of this unscathed.
Luckily, we are still doing discussions (which should be a great grade boost, hopefully). Here's my first one:
PROMPT: After reading the report, “Control Overrides in Financial Statement Fraud: A Report to the Institute for Fraud Prevention,” tell your colleagues what you have learned about financial statement fraud. What does it mean to “engineer financial results?” What are the challenges associated with this practice, and is there ever any “grey area?” Are there any situations in which it might be considered ethical to engineer financial results? Does your answer change in the context of a small, family-owned business versus a major global corporation?
The most important piece of information I drew from this article was actually a strong, concise definition of what exactly financial statement fraud is. Everyone knows of this fraud; it is prevalent in many aspects of modern business reporting, both in terms of discovery and its repercussions in the market. However, as with any other disease or ailment, this sickness of modern business can be made a lot less scary by properly naming it.
Authors Robert Tillman and Michael Indergaard quoted William Black in concisely explaining the nature of financial statement fraud:
Engineering financial results is the equivalent to working with statistics. Numbers can be interpreted to mean almost anything that you want them to mean - engineering results is simply presenting facts and data in such a way as to support your particular view or opinion of the results. While many people believe that facts are 'cold and hard', unfortunately the "Law and Order" version of reality only exists on television. The prompt for this discussion asked us to address whether there was ever a 'grey area' in financial reporting. I believe that any financial reporting can be in a grey area. The truest information can always be found in the simplest presentation that is closest to the information's original source - the further you get from that point, the grayer the area is.
When we speak of distance from the point of information integrity, an important quantifying aspect is time. While scandals like Enron and Fannie Mae remain in the public consciousness, one of the key problems I see in addressing issues of financial statement fraud is the passage of time. While bodies such as the SEC do move to enforce regulations and dole out penalties, the time that elapses between the point of discovery and the point of enforcement speaks loudly to both those who consider committing fraud and those who are victims of it. With an average response time of 4.7 years between the act of fraud itself and an enforcement release from the SEC, there is little incentive in the short term to avoid the temptations of fraud (Deloitte, 2008).
Other major points that must be considered when considering the engineering of financial information are its most popular manifestations. According to a study by Deloitte, 'revenue recognition' fraud schemes are by far the most prevalent (at 41%), and of those the recording of fictitious revenue is the most common offshoot (at 35%). While it can be said that falsification of revenue is a pretty straightforward and (one would think) relatively easy to detect form of fraud, authors Tillman and Indegaard demonstrate that fraud draws strength from numbers.
These intermediaries create a network of conspirators in which no-one feels 'directly' responsible for allowing fraud to pass through the cracks - though everyone may be peripherally aware of it, there is no one point at which someone feels directly accountable.
Regardless of whether we are talking about a large or small industry, small or large market, or any other factor, fraud is always an indicator that something is wrong with the way you are doing business. If numbers need to be falsely inflated in order to get to the next quarter, it's like robbing Peter to pay Paul. The continued tolerance our current business world has for this sort of behavior continues to breed new and more damaging ways to commit fraud.
Resources:
Black, William K. "Control Frauds' as Financial Super-Predators". The Journal of Socio-Economics. 34:734-55
Deloitte Forensic Center. "Ten Things About Financial Statement Fraud". June 2007. Accessed 1/7/2009. http://www.deloitte.com/dtt/cda/doc/content/us_forensic_tenthings_fraud01072008.pdf
My accounting class for my MBA started this past week. I am nervous, especially since I did so badly in accounting as an undergrad (I did pass). I make no pretensions at being good with numbers - but hopefully I'll be able to come out of this unscathed.
Luckily, we are still doing discussions (which should be a great grade boost, hopefully). Here's my first one:
PROMPT: After reading the report, “Control Overrides in Financial Statement Fraud: A Report to the Institute for Fraud Prevention,” tell your colleagues what you have learned about financial statement fraud. What does it mean to “engineer financial results?” What are the challenges associated with this practice, and is there ever any “grey area?” Are there any situations in which it might be considered ethical to engineer financial results? Does your answer change in the context of a small, family-owned business versus a major global corporation?
The most important piece of information I drew from this article was actually a strong, concise definition of what exactly financial statement fraud is. Everyone knows of this fraud; it is prevalent in many aspects of modern business reporting, both in terms of discovery and its repercussions in the market. However, as with any other disease or ailment, this sickness of modern business can be made a lot less scary by properly naming it.
Authors Robert Tillman and Michael Indergaard quoted William Black in concisely explaining the nature of financial statement fraud:
"Situations in which those who control firms or nations use the entity as a
means to defraud customers, creditors, shareholders, donors, or the general
public." (Black, 2005)
Engineering financial results is the equivalent to working with statistics. Numbers can be interpreted to mean almost anything that you want them to mean - engineering results is simply presenting facts and data in such a way as to support your particular view or opinion of the results. While many people believe that facts are 'cold and hard', unfortunately the "Law and Order" version of reality only exists on television. The prompt for this discussion asked us to address whether there was ever a 'grey area' in financial reporting. I believe that any financial reporting can be in a grey area. The truest information can always be found in the simplest presentation that is closest to the information's original source - the further you get from that point, the grayer the area is.
When we speak of distance from the point of information integrity, an important quantifying aspect is time. While scandals like Enron and Fannie Mae remain in the public consciousness, one of the key problems I see in addressing issues of financial statement fraud is the passage of time. While bodies such as the SEC do move to enforce regulations and dole out penalties, the time that elapses between the point of discovery and the point of enforcement speaks loudly to both those who consider committing fraud and those who are victims of it. With an average response time of 4.7 years between the act of fraud itself and an enforcement release from the SEC, there is little incentive in the short term to avoid the temptations of fraud (Deloitte, 2008).
Other major points that must be considered when considering the engineering of financial information are its most popular manifestations. According to a study by Deloitte, 'revenue recognition' fraud schemes are by far the most prevalent (at 41%), and of those the recording of fictitious revenue is the most common offshoot (at 35%). While it can be said that falsification of revenue is a pretty straightforward and (one would think) relatively easy to detect form of fraud, authors Tillman and Indegaard demonstrate that fraud draws strength from numbers.
"Groups that once acted as control agents who enforced formal rules of
accountability on firms are now part of an array of "reputational
intermediaries"
These intermediaries create a network of conspirators in which no-one feels 'directly' responsible for allowing fraud to pass through the cracks - though everyone may be peripherally aware of it, there is no one point at which someone feels directly accountable.
Regardless of whether we are talking about a large or small industry, small or large market, or any other factor, fraud is always an indicator that something is wrong with the way you are doing business. If numbers need to be falsely inflated in order to get to the next quarter, it's like robbing Peter to pay Paul. The continued tolerance our current business world has for this sort of behavior continues to breed new and more damaging ways to commit fraud.
Resources:
Black, William K. "Control Frauds' as Financial Super-Predators". The Journal of Socio-Economics. 34:734-55
Deloitte Forensic Center. "Ten Things About Financial Statement Fraud". June 2007. Accessed 1/7/2009. http://www.deloitte.com/dtt/cda/doc/content/us_forensic_tenthings_fraud01072008.pdf
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
New Year's Resolutions
Okay. So, I'm delving a bit deeper into my "New Year's Resolutions" that I mentioned in the last post. Hopefully putting them out into the ether will be a good way to hold me to them - or at least you guys all get to listen to me bitch and moan about them as I slog my way through. :-)
1. Focus more on schoolwork
As you may (or may not) know, I'm enrolled to get my MBA (with a concentration in Project Management) in November of 2009. I'm studying through Walden University, which I highly recommend. I'm going to really stick it to my classes and actually, you know, try to read all the stuff I'm supposed to. :-)
2. LOSE WEIGHT
Again, as you may or may not know, I'm engaged to be married in the late spring of 2010. My amazing fiance loves me just as I am, but I could stand to be a little less jiggly. I'm joining Weight Watchers (we shall see if they are as lame as I'm worried they will be), and joining a gym (Planet Fitness) where I will go with a friend from work AT LEAST 3 times a week. Well, 2 times a week to start. Then 3 times a week. Totally.
This is starting up next week, on the 12th. My first WW meeting will be on Wednesday. I'm going alone, which is a bit scary, but I'll be fine. As my mother so eloquently puts it, I can "talk to a brick wall". Hopefully it will be at least slightly more exciting than that.
3. Expand spiritual awareness
Okay, so I'm already taking some great strides with this. I've joined the Fellowship, I attended my first group ritual, and am signed up for a class on the Nature of the God/dess for late January. In addition to that, I'm starting a 'journey' (I wouldn't call it a class) through the Sisterhood of the Silver Branch which ought to be interesting. I'm very focused on book learning, and this is much more geared to the personal experience itself - actual ritualwork, which is what I really need experience in. This starts on January 26th (the new Moon), so you'll hear all about it once it starts. I'm hoping for a much more ethereal and far less cerebral experience than I usually craft for myself.
Anyway, that's that for now - hopefully this will help me keep on target. More exciting updates to come...
1. Focus more on schoolwork
As you may (or may not) know, I'm enrolled to get my MBA (with a concentration in Project Management) in November of 2009. I'm studying through Walden University, which I highly recommend. I'm going to really stick it to my classes and actually, you know, try to read all the stuff I'm supposed to. :-)
2. LOSE WEIGHT
Again, as you may or may not know, I'm engaged to be married in the late spring of 2010. My amazing fiance loves me just as I am, but I could stand to be a little less jiggly. I'm joining Weight Watchers (we shall see if they are as lame as I'm worried they will be), and joining a gym (Planet Fitness) where I will go with a friend from work AT LEAST 3 times a week. Well, 2 times a week to start. Then 3 times a week. Totally.
This is starting up next week, on the 12th. My first WW meeting will be on Wednesday. I'm going alone, which is a bit scary, but I'll be fine. As my mother so eloquently puts it, I can "talk to a brick wall". Hopefully it will be at least slightly more exciting than that.
3. Expand spiritual awareness
Okay, so I'm already taking some great strides with this. I've joined the Fellowship, I attended my first group ritual, and am signed up for a class on the Nature of the God/dess for late January. In addition to that, I'm starting a 'journey' (I wouldn't call it a class) through the Sisterhood of the Silver Branch which ought to be interesting. I'm very focused on book learning, and this is much more geared to the personal experience itself - actual ritualwork, which is what I really need experience in. This starts on January 26th (the new Moon), so you'll hear all about it once it starts. I'm hoping for a much more ethereal and far less cerebral experience than I usually craft for myself.
Anyway, that's that for now - hopefully this will help me keep on target. More exciting updates to come...
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Why Does My Hot Tub Hate Me?
My legs are bright red.
The rest of me is a rather wan yellowish-green. I love hot tubs, truly I do. But apparently they have stopped liking me. Every time I've gotten in my parent's hot tub (it was 17 degrees F outside tonight when we went out), I end up feeling rather faint. I can only hope it's because of my burgeoning waistline, and the effect will go away with ::drumroll:: my new year's resolutions!!!
So cliche. I hate resolutions. But it's a convenient time to start, and after seeing myself in photos from family holidays (no, I will NOT post one), I see that I am no longer just pleasantly plump, and need to cut down. A lot.
So, after Sonny (my handsome fiance) goes back to school on the 12th, I'm joining Weight Watchers. I've proven time and time again that I simply don't have the willpower on my own to control my eating. I have made a lot of strides - most of the food I eat now is totally organic, and I'm preparing stuff myself instead of making quick junk from the Stop n' Shop. Trader Joe's has become my grocery mecca, and I hope to keep that up.
Weight Watchers is the next step. Cutting out the junk food really made a big deal with my health - I haven't had ::KNOCK ON WOOD:: any significant colds lately, and I used to get them all the time. So slimming down the portions and monitoring my intake is the next part of this progression.
A friend of mine at the office was also looking for someone to go to the gym down the way with her during lunch - she just wants to do the 30 minute Curves-esque portion, which I figure won't be too humiliating to do with her, despite the fact that I easily way at least twice (if not more) as much as she does.
I am happy with myself in a lot of ways. And I don't feel like I need to be some super-skinny ana type. I just want to feel more comfortable in myself, and hopefully losing the weight and getting more in shape will help with the endometriosis.
Which is a totally different story.
The Lupron (my latest chemical treatment) doesn't seem to work too well. The surgery I had in August is offically wearing off, and after almost collapsing in Best Buy in front of Sonny I really don't know what to do next. I'm going back on the pill (UGH) for now, but I've also started taking Evening Primrose Oil and Salmon Oil to help with the cramps. We'll see how it goes. I'm really frustrated and upset about this still, so I'm not going to dwell on it further.
HERE'S AN AWESOME PICTURE OF MY BABIES TO CHEER UP THIS POST:
AND ANOTHER:
They're awesome. They love my giant tummy!!! Makes for comfy snuggling. These awesome pictures are courtesy of the new, 8 megapixel Kodak EasyShare my parents got for me for Christmas (THANK YOU). It's been great for taking pictures at the shelter, too.
Anyway, I'll be posting more about stuff with the Fellowship soon - reveling in Pagan-ness is awesome!
The rest of me is a rather wan yellowish-green. I love hot tubs, truly I do. But apparently they have stopped liking me. Every time I've gotten in my parent's hot tub (it was 17 degrees F outside tonight when we went out), I end up feeling rather faint. I can only hope it's because of my burgeoning waistline, and the effect will go away with ::drumroll:: my new year's resolutions!!!
So cliche. I hate resolutions. But it's a convenient time to start, and after seeing myself in photos from family holidays (no, I will NOT post one), I see that I am no longer just pleasantly plump, and need to cut down. A lot.
So, after Sonny (my handsome fiance) goes back to school on the 12th, I'm joining Weight Watchers. I've proven time and time again that I simply don't have the willpower on my own to control my eating. I have made a lot of strides - most of the food I eat now is totally organic, and I'm preparing stuff myself instead of making quick junk from the Stop n' Shop. Trader Joe's has become my grocery mecca, and I hope to keep that up.
Weight Watchers is the next step. Cutting out the junk food really made a big deal with my health - I haven't had ::KNOCK ON WOOD:: any significant colds lately, and I used to get them all the time. So slimming down the portions and monitoring my intake is the next part of this progression.
A friend of mine at the office was also looking for someone to go to the gym down the way with her during lunch - she just wants to do the 30 minute Curves-esque portion, which I figure won't be too humiliating to do with her, despite the fact that I easily way at least twice (if not more) as much as she does.
I am happy with myself in a lot of ways. And I don't feel like I need to be some super-skinny ana type. I just want to feel more comfortable in myself, and hopefully losing the weight and getting more in shape will help with the endometriosis.
Which is a totally different story.
The Lupron (my latest chemical treatment) doesn't seem to work too well. The surgery I had in August is offically wearing off, and after almost collapsing in Best Buy in front of Sonny I really don't know what to do next. I'm going back on the pill (UGH) for now, but I've also started taking Evening Primrose Oil and Salmon Oil to help with the cramps. We'll see how it goes. I'm really frustrated and upset about this still, so I'm not going to dwell on it further.
HERE'S AN AWESOME PICTURE OF MY BABIES TO CHEER UP THIS POST:
AND ANOTHER:
They're awesome. They love my giant tummy!!! Makes for comfy snuggling. These awesome pictures are courtesy of the new, 8 megapixel Kodak EasyShare my parents got for me for Christmas (THANK YOU). It's been great for taking pictures at the shelter, too.
Anyway, I'll be posting more about stuff with the Fellowship soon - reveling in Pagan-ness is awesome!
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