Here was my response to the article, and the comments preceding mine...
ArachneDefiant (Whippany, New Jersey)
First of all, it is so awesome to be a part of such an active and idea-prolific pagan community. It's great to see so many people free to voice their opinions.
That said - here here to Snow Phoenix and the others who are holding back from wholesale ideology-bashing. I completely understand where a lot of you are coming from, but I think we need to take a quick step back in regards to how we view cases like the Suleman's vs. the Duggars.
I do not agree with Quiverfull's tenets, and find some of them to be a little out there. The same can be said of Mormonism, or basically any other religious tradition of which I am not a part. However, I don't think it makes sense to say that just because I'm not floating with their tide, doesn't mean that they aren't happy.
Cults like the FLDS take clear and blatant advantage of the women and children in their care - isolationism is frighteningly pervasive, and their marriage practices are proven to force young women and girls into the marriage bed.
However, if a Mormon woman (not FLDS, mind you, but normal Mormon) , is happy and fulfilled and content with the life she leads, who on earth am I to tell her that she's wrong? I would be perfectly happy to carry on a discourse regarding her religious choices versus mine, but it's up to her and only her to decide what makes her happy.
If she's a healthy, intellectually sound woman who is a happy camper staying at home with the kiddlies and doing her husband's bidding, then who on earth am I to say different? She could just as easily cry out in horror at my lifestyle, at my concept of god (or gods :-D) , and my choices regarding childrearing.
Let's take a moment to compare the Suleman mother and the Duggar family. Nadya Suleman is a woman who has made a series of decisions that are bad for herself and her family, and not simply because we don't ideologically agree. She can't feed the children she has, takes our tax dollars to take care of kids who don't seem to be getting the attention they need anyway, and still seems to find time (and money) to have beautifully manicured nails and professionally styled hair.
On the other hand, we have the Duggars. Who, most definitely, are a little out there in their beliefs. However, their kids are well fed, relatively well adjusted, and seem to be a lot more capable of taking on responsibilities than some of the 2 or 3 kid families I run into regularly.
Honestly, I have watched the Duggar's programs and have seen, in particular, Mrs. Duggar during interviews. She absolutely glows. She smiles, she looks lovingly to her husband and children, and holds herself proudly.
I see no signs in her that would indicate abuse, brainwashing, or any other forms of degradation. I would hope that her children, daughters in particular, would be free to choose the lifestyle they want for themselves. Not all of them will probably grow up to be like their mother. But some of them probably will.
And you know what? If they are happy, more power to them. There are lots of people who oppose gay marriage who use a lot of the same arguments I see on this board today - "how could they think this is right", "obviously they are fundamentally out of their minds", etc. etc.
If you're happy and you're not hurting anyone, have as many babies as you want. If you have the means and the desire to be home with your 18 youngins, go for it. Who am I to say otherwise?
1 comment:
I agree with you that whatever makes people happy, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, is cool with me. I guess you could get into the enivronmental implications of bringing so many children into the world... But to me the biggest difference between Duggar and Suleman is that the Duggars seem to be doing their job as parents as well as anyone. It's hard to tell with the Octomom, but I have a feeling those kids are going to suffer, physically, mentally and emotionally. I kind of think the doctors were pretty irresponsible in this case.
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